I had an ultrasound yesterday morning and all of my follies were at 16mm! They want them at least at 18mm before they do the ER so I figured one more day of stims and I'd be done......
Not. Even. Close.
My nurse called yesterday with my estrogen results: almost 10,000.
Way too high.
They had me stop stimming and start taking whey protein immediately.
I'm not sure what's going to happen from here on out. They made me drive to Columbus JUST for bloodwork.
I went like this: wake up at 5am. Get to the doctor at 8am. Bloodwork at 8:05am. Drive 2 hours back home.
I drive a freaking SUV for petes sake! Not cheap.
Anyway, so I am waiting on hear word on my estrogen level. If it didn't rise drastically, I am going tomorrow for an ultrasound and MORE bloodwork.
I might still do the ER Friday.
Maybe.
If you're reading this, please cross your fingers for me... I'm like 95% through this hell, and I really don't want it ripped away from me at the end.
:(
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Time is FLYING By!
First of all, I was interviewed by a very sweet blogger!
You can click on the button and read my interview :) I felt so excited to be asked to answer questions about myself!
Second, I took my first 5 unit Lupron shot! Know what that means? Bravelle starts at 9pm tonight! I took the advice of a few of you ladies and went out and grabbed Gatorade! Yeah, like 20 bottles of it and I have a feeling (because I've been rather dehydrated) that I'm going to need to grab a few more during this 10 day span.
And I've had weird cravings for chocolate milk lately.. generally, I hate milk so I don't know what kind of tricks Lupron is playing on my body but whatever... if the worst thing it's going to do it make me crave milk then hell, stick around friendly Lupron.
I'm kiiind of nervous about the 3 vials of stims but I'll be fine. I just know it.
They said my tentative egg retrieval is going to be on the 17th (most likely NOT before then, I hope to God not considering I only requested work off from the 17th through the 25th) I have my last ultrasound on the 16th so I figure they'll have my trigger shortly after that. Of course, it all depends on how this Bravelle works for me.
Not much else to report, just working on getting the apartment cleaned & super organized so I can relax on my 9 day mini-break from work/IVF junk! We've rounded up 2 bags of clothes we are giving away and a bunch of stuff. A has even agreed to get rid of some of the guitars he has. *gasp* If you knew him, you'd realize this was a HUUUUGE deal but he realizes thatif WHEN this IVF works, we are going to have to get rid of shit anyway because his studio right now is our future nursery.
And we tried some of the new stuffed cheesy breads from Domino's last night. The feta & spinach one is soooo incredible. $5.99 for one small slab of bread is rather expensive though.
I'm working on replying to the comments you wonderful women have left me and looks like I have a few new followers! That means, I'll be showing them some love tooooo.
Ahhh, I seriously love the IF blogging community. Without this place, I'd be insane.
Xoxoxo.
You can click on the button and read my interview :) I felt so excited to be asked to answer questions about myself!
Second, I took my first 5 unit Lupron shot! Know what that means? Bravelle starts at 9pm tonight! I took the advice of a few of you ladies and went out and grabbed Gatorade! Yeah, like 20 bottles of it and I have a feeling (because I've been rather dehydrated) that I'm going to need to grab a few more during this 10 day span.
And I've had weird cravings for chocolate milk lately.. generally, I hate milk so I don't know what kind of tricks Lupron is playing on my body but whatever... if the worst thing it's going to do it make me crave milk then hell, stick around friendly Lupron.
I'm kiiind of nervous about the 3 vials of stims but I'll be fine. I just know it.
They said my tentative egg retrieval is going to be on the 17th (most likely NOT before then, I hope to God not considering I only requested work off from the 17th through the 25th) I have my last ultrasound on the 16th so I figure they'll have my trigger shortly after that. Of course, it all depends on how this Bravelle works for me.
Not much else to report, just working on getting the apartment cleaned & super organized so I can relax on my 9 day mini-break from work/IVF junk! We've rounded up 2 bags of clothes we are giving away and a bunch of stuff. A has even agreed to get rid of some of the guitars he has. *gasp* If you knew him, you'd realize this was a HUUUUGE deal but he realizes that
And we tried some of the new stuffed cheesy breads from Domino's last night. The feta & spinach one is soooo incredible. $5.99 for one small slab of bread is rather expensive though.
I'm working on replying to the comments you wonderful women have left me and looks like I have a few new followers! That means, I'll be showing them some love tooooo.
Ahhh, I seriously love the IF blogging community. Without this place, I'd be insane.
Xoxoxo.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Oh Hey, Bravelle.
Well,
This body is finally working right.
Thin lining and tiny follies all ready to be stimulated.
I start Bravelle on Saturday and my Lupron is shrinking to 5 units!
I'm so freaking excited.
My estrogen was 23!!!! They wanted it under 80. I think I nailed it. :)
Before I go, my nurse looked at me and she said "Kayla, your numbers and lining are PERFECT. You couldn't ask for a better start to an IVF."
Is it crazy that I almost cried over that news?
Maybe this has all been a test? Cancer to see how strong I am and to build my relationships...
Infertility to test me again but to test me to see how much patience I have... Because obviously babies take patience.
I guess we will see around the 17th!!!!
This body is finally working right.
Thin lining and tiny follies all ready to be stimulated.
I start Bravelle on Saturday and my Lupron is shrinking to 5 units!
I'm so freaking excited.
My estrogen was 23!!!! They wanted it under 80. I think I nailed it. :)
Before I go, my nurse looked at me and she said "Kayla, your numbers and lining are PERFECT. You couldn't ask for a better start to an IVF."
Is it crazy that I almost cried over that news?
Maybe this has all been a test? Cancer to see how strong I am and to build my relationships...
Infertility to test me again but to test me to see how much patience I have... Because obviously babies take patience.
I guess we will see around the 17th!!!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
2011 in Review.
I've decided to go ahead and say GOOOOOOOOOODBYE 2011 a little early!
I am going to be pre-IVF nesting tomorrow and Saturday, well, I fully plan on being shit faced!
Most of it will be infertility related because that's the shit that is burned into my brain. I can't even remember what I wore yesterday, so I definitely don't remember what happened during specific months. Hahaha.
Soo... where to start? :)
January 2011 - We moved into an apartment that my parents own (and renovated for us!), start job hunting (since I was off of work for 18 months because of cancer), trying to conceive naturally though my period was non-existent.
February 2011 - A went to California to be with his grandparents because their health is not the best (and they raised him as a child), I started to work again in a new field taking care of elderly people, still TTC
March 2011 - Bridal shower, wedding planning and soon-to-be in-laws came to stay with us for a while, still enjoying the new job, AF came but BFN... again.
April 2011 - WEDDING! Married the best man I've ever known, went to the doctor for a pap and she was very alarmed that my period has been irregular considering I did chemotherapy for so damn long, did a bunch of tests and confirmed I was in fact NOT ovulating... almost at all. My first results were: 0.3 -- how pathetic?
May 2011 - She suggested that I see a reproductive specialist so the scramble to find the BEST one in my area was on! Until we found one, she was keeping me on Provera to induce a period just so that I could try to continue a normal cycle monthly. Find out that my wait to get into the BEST RE IN THE AREA is (dun dun dun) 3 months. I schedule with a woman doctor originally and call back a few weeks later and beg for any doctor that could see me earlier. I was also having a LOT of pain in my legs and had to have a few CT scans to make sure the cancer wasn't back and causing the pain. ALL CLEAR.... still.
June 2011 - I saw my RE this month and he decided that as soon as I had a cycle in July, I would start 50mg Clomid + trigger and then I'd magically be pregnant. In fact, Dr. S straight up said to me "You'll be pregnant by the end of the year, it's not going to take more than Clomid!" (Wish I could rewind now and throw that shit in his face!)
July 2011 - My 24th birthday, Clomid 50mg, and our VERY late honeymoon. We went to Philadelphia & New Jersey because we are friends with a few guys in a band called Mayday Parade. They were playing with one of my all time favorite bands ever the Starting Line (who only happened to be playing the show in Philadelphia and a show in New Jersey) so, of course, I just HAD to go to this! We actually had to trigger the day of the show which made me unhappy... the trigger made me have some crazy ass hot flashes and I felt like I was dying halfway through the show. One of the guys from Mayday Parade put us on the guest list for their show the next day in New Jersey (which happened to be the day that we were planning on leaving to go home) and we decided to go. Drove 2 hours out of our way to go, had a lot of fun and ended up spending 14.5 hours (instead of 10) driving home that night because we are idiots and tried to drive the night through. We also missed our deadline to have sex (36 hours after trigger) so, of course, July was a BFN. My progesterone level was 1.7 (still awful)
August 2011 - Dr. S upped my dosage of Clomid to 100mg + trigger = BFN. Still clear for cancer! A bought me a car.... a mommy mobile, just for the babies that we are hoping to stuff in the backseat of it sooner than later. Also started a new, full time job, taking care of one woman 6 days a week. I love her to pieces! Progesterone was 14.
September 2011 - Dr S. upped my dosage of Clomid to 150mg + trigger = cancelled cycle. My body became Clomid resistant and my biggest follie on CD18 was only a 15mm. Talk of IVF started.
October 2011 - We had our IVF consult and started the process to see how much our insurance would pay for. Fully expected AF to show up this month but the bitch stayed away, resulting in a January IVF instead of a late November/early December IVF. This was almost my ONE YEAR CANCER free celebration.... we went to a Mayday Parade show (which, ironically, is what we did last year to celebrate that I was cancer free. Crazy that they were in Ohio almost exactly one year from the last time they came)
November 2011 - Spent the entire month avoiding sex and praying that AF didn't show up at all this month. I was scared that my IVF was going to be pushed back even further if I started to bleed. No show, so we were good to go! Also ordered ALL of my IVF medicines this month because we had the extra money just laying around.
December 2011 - This.... month has been INSANE. It has flown by and I am perfectly fine with that. Lupron is cake, BCPs were cake, let's hope the rest of this goes as smoothly.... well, let's not kid ourselves, I know the PIO shots are going to murder my ass but, I'll survive. I've been through worse** I'll give you an example in a second, just remind me.
I am so damn anxious for 2012 to get here... to get babies transferred into me, to hopefully have them stick for the majority of 2012 and to have a baby or two to spoil and love at Christmas time. I was watching tv a few nights ago and a woman on the show I was watching said that she felt like her purpose of living was finally made clear.... she was put on this earth to be a mommy. That's EXACTLY how I feel, I am here to be a mommy. I have love from family and friends but I am missing the love of a child... the love that has no boundaries, consequences, or guidelines. I want to be needed, to have tired eyes, to spend 45 minutes trying to get out of the house for a 10 minute run to the grocery store. I want ALL of that and more!
2012... you're going to be my year!
**Alright my example of "going through worse" is this:
I have this lymphnode behind my right ear (if you feel behind your ears, you'll probably feel a lump, it's a lymphnode) that occasionally gets inflamed. It never did this before cancer but it doesn't it ALL of the time now... it usually means that I am fighting off a viral infection. However, before they knew that's what it was -- they made me go through a procedure called a "fine needle biopsy". HA! That needle was NOT "fine" it was a giant fucking needle and I was stabbed in the ear with it almost 50 times. Yeah... that was bullshit. I broke down crying after the first set of 10 stabs and then I just held my breath after that. Turns out, it was nothing!
I am going to be pre-IVF nesting tomorrow and Saturday, well, I fully plan on being shit faced!
Most of it will be infertility related because that's the shit that is burned into my brain. I can't even remember what I wore yesterday, so I definitely don't remember what happened during specific months. Hahaha.
Soo... where to start? :)
January 2011 - We moved into an apartment that my parents own (and renovated for us!), start job hunting (since I was off of work for 18 months because of cancer), trying to conceive naturally though my period was non-existent.
February 2011 - A went to California to be with his grandparents because their health is not the best (and they raised him as a child), I started to work again in a new field taking care of elderly people, still TTC
March 2011 - Bridal shower, wedding planning and soon-to-be in-laws came to stay with us for a while, still enjoying the new job, AF came but BFN... again.
April 2011 - WEDDING! Married the best man I've ever known, went to the doctor for a pap and she was very alarmed that my period has been irregular considering I did chemotherapy for so damn long, did a bunch of tests and confirmed I was in fact NOT ovulating... almost at all. My first results were: 0.3 -- how pathetic?
May 2011 - She suggested that I see a reproductive specialist so the scramble to find the BEST one in my area was on! Until we found one, she was keeping me on Provera to induce a period just so that I could try to continue a normal cycle monthly. Find out that my wait to get into the BEST RE IN THE AREA is (dun dun dun) 3 months. I schedule with a woman doctor originally and call back a few weeks later and beg for any doctor that could see me earlier. I was also having a LOT of pain in my legs and had to have a few CT scans to make sure the cancer wasn't back and causing the pain. ALL CLEAR.... still.
June 2011 - I saw my RE this month and he decided that as soon as I had a cycle in July, I would start 50mg Clomid + trigger and then I'd magically be pregnant. In fact, Dr. S straight up said to me "You'll be pregnant by the end of the year, it's not going to take more than Clomid!" (Wish I could rewind now and throw that shit in his face!)
July 2011 - My 24th birthday, Clomid 50mg, and our VERY late honeymoon. We went to Philadelphia & New Jersey because we are friends with a few guys in a band called Mayday Parade. They were playing with one of my all time favorite bands ever the Starting Line (who only happened to be playing the show in Philadelphia and a show in New Jersey) so, of course, I just HAD to go to this! We actually had to trigger the day of the show which made me unhappy... the trigger made me have some crazy ass hot flashes and I felt like I was dying halfway through the show. One of the guys from Mayday Parade put us on the guest list for their show the next day in New Jersey (which happened to be the day that we were planning on leaving to go home) and we decided to go. Drove 2 hours out of our way to go, had a lot of fun and ended up spending 14.5 hours (instead of 10) driving home that night because we are idiots and tried to drive the night through. We also missed our deadline to have sex (36 hours after trigger) so, of course, July was a BFN. My progesterone level was 1.7 (still awful)
August 2011 - Dr. S upped my dosage of Clomid to 100mg + trigger = BFN. Still clear for cancer! A bought me a car.... a mommy mobile, just for the babies that we are hoping to stuff in the backseat of it sooner than later. Also started a new, full time job, taking care of one woman 6 days a week. I love her to pieces! Progesterone was 14.
September 2011 - Dr S. upped my dosage of Clomid to 150mg + trigger = cancelled cycle. My body became Clomid resistant and my biggest follie on CD18 was only a 15mm. Talk of IVF started.
October 2011 - We had our IVF consult and started the process to see how much our insurance would pay for. Fully expected AF to show up this month but the bitch stayed away, resulting in a January IVF instead of a late November/early December IVF. This was almost my ONE YEAR CANCER free celebration.... we went to a Mayday Parade show (which, ironically, is what we did last year to celebrate that I was cancer free. Crazy that they were in Ohio almost exactly one year from the last time they came)
November 2011 - Spent the entire month avoiding sex and praying that AF didn't show up at all this month. I was scared that my IVF was going to be pushed back even further if I started to bleed. No show, so we were good to go! Also ordered ALL of my IVF medicines this month because we had the extra money just laying around.
December 2011 - This.... month has been INSANE. It has flown by and I am perfectly fine with that. Lupron is cake, BCPs were cake, let's hope the rest of this goes as smoothly.... well, let's not kid ourselves, I know the PIO shots are going to murder my ass but, I'll survive. I've been through worse** I'll give you an example in a second, just remind me.
I am so damn anxious for 2012 to get here... to get babies transferred into me, to hopefully have them stick for the majority of 2012 and to have a baby or two to spoil and love at Christmas time. I was watching tv a few nights ago and a woman on the show I was watching said that she felt like her purpose of living was finally made clear.... she was put on this earth to be a mommy. That's EXACTLY how I feel, I am here to be a mommy. I have love from family and friends but I am missing the love of a child... the love that has no boundaries, consequences, or guidelines. I want to be needed, to have tired eyes, to spend 45 minutes trying to get out of the house for a 10 minute run to the grocery store. I want ALL of that and more!
2012... you're going to be my year!
**Alright my example of "going through worse" is this:
I have this lymphnode behind my right ear (if you feel behind your ears, you'll probably feel a lump, it's a lymphnode) that occasionally gets inflamed. It never did this before cancer but it doesn't it ALL of the time now... it usually means that I am fighting off a viral infection. However, before they knew that's what it was -- they made me go through a procedure called a "fine needle biopsy". HA! That needle was NOT "fine" it was a giant fucking needle and I was stabbed in the ear with it almost 50 times. Yeah... that was bullshit. I broke down crying after the first set of 10 stabs and then I just held my breath after that. Turns out, it was nothing!
 |
| If you look close enough, you will see how bruised it is. There are 4 dots from the biopsies. Little mountain of pain. |
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Last...
Birth control pill! :)
To me, this signifies that ANOTHER IVF chapter has closed and many more are about to open. The last 3 weeks have FLOWN by and I'm ready for this!
The Lupron is still easy as can be... except, ya know, the ONE shot that A did yesterday and he forgot to squeeze the skin before putting the needle in. That's the ONLY shot (out of Lupron and 144 chemotherapy injections) that I actually said HOLY SHIT!
If my baseline goes well next Thursday, I'll be doing my retrieval in less than 3 weeks! AHHHH!!
I'm hoping since I've never had any past MCs and there's no genetic factors or anything else showing possible risks, that we have a successful first IVF and a few babies in the end.
We found out that A was given a temporary position within his CURRENT job (which is a great thing!) and that he's going to be learning so many new things... it doesn't have much of a pay increase but it miiiight have a new schedule (hell yes).
I had someone else give me a car seat today, that makes 2 gifted to us. It's used, and it's very pink, but it's in great shape. Doesn't expire until 2016 and has never been in a car accident.... I figure, if we need it or not, it's free! It's so shocking to me how much people are coming through for us BEFORE we are pregnant -- imagine what it's going to be like once we are expecting!
And expecting we shall be (in less than a month!)
To me, this signifies that ANOTHER IVF chapter has closed and many more are about to open. The last 3 weeks have FLOWN by and I'm ready for this!
The Lupron is still easy as can be... except, ya know, the ONE shot that A did yesterday and he forgot to squeeze the skin before putting the needle in. That's the ONLY shot (out of Lupron and 144 chemotherapy injections) that I actually said HOLY SHIT!
If my baseline goes well next Thursday, I'll be doing my retrieval in less than 3 weeks! AHHHH!!
I'm hoping since I've never had any past MCs and there's no genetic factors or anything else showing possible risks, that we have a successful first IVF and a few babies in the end.
We found out that A was given a temporary position within his CURRENT job (which is a great thing!) and that he's going to be learning so many new things... it doesn't have much of a pay increase but it miiiight have a new schedule (hell yes).
I had someone else give me a car seat today, that makes 2 gifted to us. It's used, and it's very pink, but it's in great shape. Doesn't expire until 2016 and has never been in a car accident.... I figure, if we need it or not, it's free! It's so shocking to me how much people are coming through for us BEFORE we are pregnant -- imagine what it's going to be like once we are expecting!
And expecting we shall be (in less than a month!)
 |
| This is a button that my friend gave to me.. it says "Fuck yeah, we can live like this" -- That's pretty much how I feel about IVF, getting pregnant and being a mommy. :) |
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Damn!
My boobs hurt SO damn bad and I haven't even started Lupron yet!
Ahhhhh. It hurts for water to even hit them! If I were still doing Clomid, I would assume this shit was associated with my uterus housing some little shits but noooooooooooo - my body just won't do things the easy way.
Tomorrow starts ICLW, I can't wait to get to know some new ladies! :)
So anyway, A and I got married in April of this year and right before the wedding, my cousin (she was a bridesmaid) and I had a falling out. Something was going on in her personal life and she didn't tell me and just kind of... lost it one day. That day just happened to be the day of my bridal shower... :/ And while I am still kind of confused as to why she had to say mean and hurtful things to me on that specific day, I can honestly say that I missed her. I hadn't talked to her until sometime last week, she messaged me on Facebook to say sorry.
I've NEVER been the kind of person to hold a grudge and my heart had a heavy spot where I wished that things had never gone wrong... so when I saw her message I didn't want to instantly be like "IT'S ALRIGHT! LET'S HANG OUT!" but I said "You know, I am kind of bothered that things happened but I would like to slowly start to build back our friendship and more importantly, our family bond." We texted each other all day today and suddenly, the little piece of me that felt heavy is gone.
I'm so glad this happened RIGHT before all of this IVF stuff because I want to be as stress free and SUPPORTED through all of this. I have yet to tell her that I am doing IVF, I don't feel like telling her that when we're just getting back to talking.... but I know once she finds out I'm pregnant (IF this works, and it will damnit!) she's going to be over the moon for us!
So yeah, happy happy.
I had dinner with my best friend tonight and we did our Christmas exchange. I cherish the once a month, two hour time slots that I get to spend with her. We've been through so much and to have her here for me through all of this, even if it's via text or skype, means everything to me. All of my ultrasounds and bloodwork are going to be at 8am and that would mean waking my (un)happy ass up at 4:30am to get there on time because of the long ass drive.... soooo.... I'm staying with the bff! She only lives 10 minutes away from the RE. :)
Before I end, I have a question for all of you:
RIght now, I'm only taking Synthroid and BCPs.... but the left side of my lip has been twitching REALLY bad lately. I'm not talking I kind of feel it and it stops... I mean, people notice.. I can look in the mirror and see it and it's really freaking me out.
I'm wondering if it's some kind of weird reaction to the BCPs cause I've never had this before. Should I call me RE tomorrow or just ride it out? I haven't felt funny or anything, it's just really damn annoying.
Ahhhhh. It hurts for water to even hit them! If I were still doing Clomid, I would assume this shit was associated with my uterus housing some little shits but noooooooooooo - my body just won't do things the easy way.
Tomorrow starts ICLW, I can't wait to get to know some new ladies! :)
So anyway, A and I got married in April of this year and right before the wedding, my cousin (she was a bridesmaid) and I had a falling out. Something was going on in her personal life and she didn't tell me and just kind of... lost it one day. That day just happened to be the day of my bridal shower... :/ And while I am still kind of confused as to why she had to say mean and hurtful things to me on that specific day, I can honestly say that I missed her. I hadn't talked to her until sometime last week, she messaged me on Facebook to say sorry.
I've NEVER been the kind of person to hold a grudge and my heart had a heavy spot where I wished that things had never gone wrong... so when I saw her message I didn't want to instantly be like "IT'S ALRIGHT! LET'S HANG OUT!" but I said "You know, I am kind of bothered that things happened but I would like to slowly start to build back our friendship and more importantly, our family bond." We texted each other all day today and suddenly, the little piece of me that felt heavy is gone.
I'm so glad this happened RIGHT before all of this IVF stuff because I want to be as stress free and SUPPORTED through all of this. I have yet to tell her that I am doing IVF, I don't feel like telling her that when we're just getting back to talking.... but I know once she finds out I'm pregnant (IF this works, and it will damnit!) she's going to be over the moon for us!
So yeah, happy happy.
I had dinner with my best friend tonight and we did our Christmas exchange. I cherish the once a month, two hour time slots that I get to spend with her. We've been through so much and to have her here for me through all of this, even if it's via text or skype, means everything to me. All of my ultrasounds and bloodwork are going to be at 8am and that would mean waking my (un)happy ass up at 4:30am to get there on time because of the long ass drive.... soooo.... I'm staying with the bff! She only lives 10 minutes away from the RE. :)
Before I end, I have a question for all of you:
RIght now, I'm only taking Synthroid and BCPs.... but the left side of my lip has been twitching REALLY bad lately. I'm not talking I kind of feel it and it stops... I mean, people notice.. I can look in the mirror and see it and it's really freaking me out.
I'm wondering if it's some kind of weird reaction to the BCPs cause I've never had this before. Should I call me RE tomorrow or just ride it out? I haven't felt funny or anything, it's just really damn annoying.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
A Little Less Moody.
Well, I'm finally feeling a little less mean. I seriously HATE doxycycline, that shit made me feel like I had the flu. A never complains about feeling like hell and he was complaining just as much as I towards the end.
T-minus 4 days until my first Lupron shot! 11 days and I'm done with the BCPs!
Can you believe that the time is flying like this... because I sure as heck can't believe it.
I knew once MY turn came, I would feel overwhelmed but oddly enough, I'm excited about the damn shots starting.
Does anyone have an horror stories about Lupron? Should I expect any side effects?
I have to take it before work and I take care of an elderly woman so I don't want it to affect my work like the doxycycline did.
Update on - These are all of the things that I want to do (Christmas and non-Christmas related) in December:
1. Take the horse & carriage ride through our downtown (this is happening on Thursday)
2. Get all of the Christmas shopping done early
3. Build gingerbread house
4. Make Christmas cookies at least twice (this is happening tomorrow!)
5. Buy Christmas pajamas
6. Put up lights outside of our apartment
7. Finish filling out Christmas cards for my pen pals (Yes, I have a few of those, they're amazing!) (just need to mail them out, but I won't cross this out until I actually DO it)
8. See the light show at the Courthouse, the FULL show (we only stayed for 20 minutes of it because it was sooo cold out)
9. Get our apartment in order so I can relax when I'm doing IVF related stuff (I'm working daily on this but I have about 4 weeks (FROM TODAY, HOLY SHIT) that I should expect to retrieve)
10. Clean out the storage room at my parents house and take all of the stuff I don't use to the Goodwill (I haven't even started this at my parents but I have at our house, two bags taken to Goodwill already!)
T-minus 4 days until my first Lupron shot! 11 days and I'm done with the BCPs!
Can you believe that the time is flying like this... because I sure as heck can't believe it.
I knew once MY turn came, I would feel overwhelmed but oddly enough, I'm excited about the damn shots starting.
Does anyone have an horror stories about Lupron? Should I expect any side effects?
I have to take it before work and I take care of an elderly woman so I don't want it to affect my work like the doxycycline did.
Update on - These are all of the things that I want to do (Christmas and non-Christmas related) in December:
1. Take the horse & carriage ride through our downtown (this is happening on Thursday)
4. Make Christmas cookies at least twice (this is happening tomorrow!)
7. Finish filling out Christmas cards for my pen pals (Yes, I have a few of those, they're amazing!) (just need to mail them out, but I won't cross this out until I actually DO it)
9. Get our apartment in order so I can relax when I'm doing IVF related stuff (I'm working daily on this but I have about 4 weeks (FROM TODAY, HOLY SHIT) that I should expect to retrieve)
10. Clean out the storage room at my parents house and take all of the stuff I don't use to the Goodwill (I haven't even started this at my parents but I have at our house, two bags taken to Goodwill already!)
I have one friend that I know reads this, and I wanted to say hi to her! (Hi SG!) Though we've only hung out one time, I appreciate her honestly and caring. I also know that I can go to her when I need to whine about IVF or friends because she will always listen and cheer me up.
I've been having a hard time (obviously, I mean, I have bitched in my last few posts) and I really miss my best friend and being able to TRUST people. Seriously, I've been weeding out people from my life because I just can't handle trusting them.
I won't give you much of a back story but I was trying to tell a friend *coughfriendcough* about my IVF stuff and she stopped what she was doing and said "I don't really understand the IVF stuff so anything you tell me is pretty much irrelevant to me anyway."
...Really?
That's all I want to say in case she ever, for whatever reason, stumbles upon my blog... but I'd like her to know that REALLY hurt my feelings. A and I left their house that night and I told him and he was in shock.
Side note: My client is making me watch CMT Artists of the Year and Gavin Degraw is on here singing someones song (I missed whose song it was) -- I love Gavin but no, just NO to this song. And he looks a little fatter than usual (not that I have any room to speak but seriously, has he gained weight or is his fedora making him look chubby?)
I'm preparing a January To-Do list in a few minutes.... who wants to come to Ohio and help me complete the tasks!? I'll pay in hugs and alcohol (or sparkling juice for the pregnant beauties!)
Before I go, pictures of our gingerbread house and the surprise flowers A picked up for me! :)
Before I go, pictures of our gingerbread house and the surprise flowers A picked up for me! :)
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| the front of our hosue <3. |
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| the back of the house, complete with snow covered window ;) |
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| the rooooof. |
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| my incredible husband (and our messy kitchen) |
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| surprise flowers! <3 <3 |
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
"Gorgeous"
So the bleeding didn't stop Dr. S from torturing me today....
Which means, as long as my baseline goes well on January 5th, my IVF is still ON TRACK.
But I'm still bitter and angry at fertile bitches and I don't take back my rant from yesterday.
Anyway, I had my SHG and sounding today.
According to Dr. S, my uterus is GORGEOUS.
Freaking FINALLY doing something right, asshole body of mine.
I start Lupron exactly one week from today.
I think having nightly injectables is going to remind me of chemotherapy -- kind of not ready for those memories to come back but I'll get through this.
Please, body, please keep working in the right way. This girl can't handle anymore bumps in the road. :(
Which means, as long as my baseline goes well on January 5th, my IVF is still ON TRACK.
But I'm still bitter and angry at fertile bitches and I don't take back my rant from yesterday.
Anyway, I had my SHG and sounding today.
According to Dr. S, my uterus is GORGEOUS.
Freaking FINALLY doing something right, asshole body of mine.
I start Lupron exactly one week from today.
I think having nightly injectables is going to remind me of chemotherapy -- kind of not ready for those memories to come back but I'll get through this.
Please, body, please keep working in the right way. This girl can't handle anymore bumps in the road. :(
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I've Had It.
Seriously, I've had it. Enough. DONE.
When will something ever go right for me? HUH? CAN ANYONE ANSWER THAT?
Cause I sure can't... but I need something good to happen rightttt about..... NOW.
My period ended on Sunday and I was so freaking excited. A and I haven't DTD in weeks because I was way too concerned to start AF before November 28. Well, things happened and we did last night and oh, surprise, I woke up this morning bleeding.
Not just a spot here and there... enough for a freaking tampon.
My IVF nurse said that I'd probably spot the entire month after taking Provera and then jumping in BCPs... okay, so.... what about a lot of bleeding?
Is down there just sensitive from all the medicines I've ingested and lack of sex? Was this just a fluke? Is it going to push my IVF back even further? Am I going to have the will to go on?
Because right now, I'm bawling at work and ready to just say fuck it all. Get rid of everything, the injections, the needles, the calendar and get our deposit back. We could pay off our debt and work on buying a house in the future instead of wondering how much money we're going on invest in my shitty ass body -- with chances of NOT having a freaking kid in the end.
If this bitch nurse doesn't call me back before their 2pm "new call" deadline, I will flip out on them.
So much for my SHG and sounding tomorrow. Not that I really wanted either but holy shit, if it means a step in the RIGHT direction, I'll take the vaginal/uterine torture.
Someone say something positive cause I'm about to explode.
When will something ever go right for me? HUH? CAN ANYONE ANSWER THAT?
Cause I sure can't... but I need something good to happen rightttt about..... NOW.
My period ended on Sunday and I was so freaking excited. A and I haven't DTD in weeks because I was way too concerned to start AF before November 28. Well, things happened and we did last night and oh, surprise, I woke up this morning bleeding.
Not just a spot here and there... enough for a freaking tampon.
My IVF nurse said that I'd probably spot the entire month after taking Provera and then jumping in BCPs... okay, so.... what about a lot of bleeding?
Is down there just sensitive from all the medicines I've ingested and lack of sex? Was this just a fluke? Is it going to push my IVF back even further? Am I going to have the will to go on?
Because right now, I'm bawling at work and ready to just say fuck it all. Get rid of everything, the injections, the needles, the calendar and get our deposit back. We could pay off our debt and work on buying a house in the future instead of wondering how much money we're going on invest in my shitty ass body -- with chances of NOT having a freaking kid in the end.
If this bitch nurse doesn't call me back before their 2pm "new call" deadline, I will flip out on them.
So much for my SHG and sounding tomorrow. Not that I really wanted either but holy shit, if it means a step in the RIGHT direction, I'll take the vaginal/uterine torture.
Someone say something positive cause I'm about to explode.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Winter is Here.
Well, I saw my first flurries of snow on Friday. Yuck.
I. HATE. Winter.
Yes, I said it. I hate the snow.
The first snow is beautiful but I can't stand the thought of driving in the dang snow... especially if A takes the promotion, there's always the risk he won't get to come home or worse, he will wreck.
The doxycycline has been making A and myself nauseous! I actually threw up about 20 minutes after taking it on Friday. The pill bottle says to take 1 hour before breakfast or 3 hours after eating so that's what we did. We told the nurse how we were taking it and she made it VERY clear to ignore those instructions and take WITH food. Definitely made it a little easier but I hate it. Only 3 days left of that mess.
I tried on jeans last night and I started to cry in the JCPenney dressing room. Ridiculous, I know but I can't help it. When I started to take fertility medicines early this year, I was a size 10 -- but I'm tall so I looked normal weight. I won't say what size I am now, but let's just say that I've gained 25lbs and I can't handle the way my body looks anymore. I gained about 4lbs each cycle of Clomid, 3 or 4 lbs each time I look Provera, and then probably about 5lbs of depression weight this whole time. I guess that the IVF meds kind of make you gain a little bit, too, so I am dreading that. The ART nurse told me that I'd probably gain about 5 more pounds.
If my first IVF does not work and I am able to do a FET, I will do one attempt at each and then I'm going to take a few months off to lose this weight. My husband says that it doesn't matter to him how I look, he KNOWS why I am gaining weight. He said yesterday that he knows it's not because of how I eat, since I "eat like a bird" -- that he knows it's because I'm trying to provide us with a baby. That makes me feel a little better but I still feel disgusting.
I was in Kmart a few days ago buying a heating pad and I was having cramps (hence buying the heating pad), and the cashier saw me holding the bottom of my stomach (I was trying to press it to relieve tension from a major cramp) and she goes "Oh gosh! How far along are you?" I was like "excuse me?" and she was like "Well, I saw you holding your stomach, you're pregnant, aren't you?" I wanted to say "NO BITCH, but thanks for telling me I'm fat." But instead, I said "No, actually, I'm having severe cramps from the medicine that I'm taking to BECOME pregnant. I suffer from infertility." The smile left her face quicker than I've ever seen, as if someone just shit on her foot.
I have my tenative IVF calendar for those that were interested! :)
December 6 - CD1
December 8 - Start BCP & Doxycycline
December 14 - End Doxycycline, SHG, and Uterine Sounding
December 21 - Start Lupron
December 28 - Final BCP
December 29 through January 3 - Expected Period
January 5 - Baseline US & E2
January 7 - Start Bravelle and continue Lupron
January 11 - US and E2
January 13 - US and E2
January 16 - US and E2
Somewhere between January 17 and January 20 is the retrieval
They're going for a five day transfer and I should have my first beta 2 weeks after the retrieval day :)
At first, I wasn't planning on requesting off for any of the days during this but I think I am going to tell work tomorrow that I need off January 17-January 24 just to be sure that I resting, relaxed, and not putting stress on myself. Of course, since I've only been at my job for 4 months, it'll be unpaid. Whatev!
I can't believe this is finally happening.
I might be pregnant by the end of January.
Oh, and she said at my age, the success rate WITH a take home baby is HUGE.
I got teary-eyed when she told me that.
I. HATE. Winter.
Yes, I said it. I hate the snow.
The first snow is beautiful but I can't stand the thought of driving in the dang snow... especially if A takes the promotion, there's always the risk he won't get to come home or worse, he will wreck.
The doxycycline has been making A and myself nauseous! I actually threw up about 20 minutes after taking it on Friday. The pill bottle says to take 1 hour before breakfast or 3 hours after eating so that's what we did. We told the nurse how we were taking it and she made it VERY clear to ignore those instructions and take WITH food. Definitely made it a little easier but I hate it. Only 3 days left of that mess.
I tried on jeans last night and I started to cry in the JCPenney dressing room. Ridiculous, I know but I can't help it. When I started to take fertility medicines early this year, I was a size 10 -- but I'm tall so I looked normal weight. I won't say what size I am now, but let's just say that I've gained 25lbs and I can't handle the way my body looks anymore. I gained about 4lbs each cycle of Clomid, 3 or 4 lbs each time I look Provera, and then probably about 5lbs of depression weight this whole time. I guess that the IVF meds kind of make you gain a little bit, too, so I am dreading that. The ART nurse told me that I'd probably gain about 5 more pounds.
If my first IVF does not work and I am able to do a FET, I will do one attempt at each and then I'm going to take a few months off to lose this weight. My husband says that it doesn't matter to him how I look, he KNOWS why I am gaining weight. He said yesterday that he knows it's not because of how I eat, since I "eat like a bird" -- that he knows it's because I'm trying to provide us with a baby. That makes me feel a little better but I still feel disgusting.
I was in Kmart a few days ago buying a heating pad and I was having cramps (hence buying the heating pad), and the cashier saw me holding the bottom of my stomach (I was trying to press it to relieve tension from a major cramp) and she goes "Oh gosh! How far along are you?" I was like "excuse me?" and she was like "Well, I saw you holding your stomach, you're pregnant, aren't you?" I wanted to say "NO BITCH, but thanks for telling me I'm fat." But instead, I said "No, actually, I'm having severe cramps from the medicine that I'm taking to BECOME pregnant. I suffer from infertility." The smile left her face quicker than I've ever seen, as if someone just shit on her foot.
I have my tenative IVF calendar for those that were interested! :)
December 6 - CD1
December 8 - Start BCP & Doxycycline
December 14 - End Doxycycline, SHG, and Uterine Sounding
December 21 - Start Lupron
December 28 - Final BCP
December 29 through January 3 - Expected Period
January 5 - Baseline US & E2
January 7 - Start Bravelle and continue Lupron
January 11 - US and E2
January 13 - US and E2
January 16 - US and E2
Somewhere between January 17 and January 20 is the retrieval
They're going for a five day transfer and I should have my first beta 2 weeks after the retrieval day :)
At first, I wasn't planning on requesting off for any of the days during this but I think I am going to tell work tomorrow that I need off January 17-January 24 just to be sure that I resting, relaxed, and not putting stress on myself. Of course, since I've only been at my job for 4 months, it'll be unpaid. Whatev!
I can't believe this is finally happening.
I might be pregnant by the end of January.
Oh, and she said at my age, the success rate WITH a take home baby is HUGE.
I got teary-eyed when she told me that.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Cycle Day 3!
Also known as..... BIRTH CONTROL PILL #1! The husband and I also start our week of doxycycline today. Those things are horse pills!
I am going to the RE today at 4pm to pick up my IVF calendar...FINALLY!! I've been waiting months to get to this point.
Wednesday, the 14th, I'm going in for my unterine sounding and SHG. As always, if you have experience with any of this, I'm gladly accepting advice on how to get through it. :)
What ellsseee.... Let's see.
OH. A was offered a huge promotion at work... However, the position is 90 miles from our apartment and I am just not willing to move. I know that sounds selfish but I have my reasons. First of all, we live for $200 a month here so if he has to commute we could absolutely afford it. Second, my parents want to be grandparents so bad and neither of them drive the interstate (some scary experience happened years ago that scarred them) so when we have babies, they'd never see them. Third, my parents live next door... That means I will have built in help at all times.
Some of the good things about the possible promotion: he might get to work four days instead of five... which means I'll see him MORE. He can stay with our friends a few nights a week to save on gas, which is super helpful. We have skype for the days that I miss him. Plus, if he takes the position (if it pays well enough) I get to stop working full time!! Hallelujah! My legs are so swollen constantly from being on my feet and I am doing home health. Last week my client fell into her bathtub and pulled me down with her. What happens when I'm pregnant and she doesn't that? Yeah, I don't even want to think about that.
Saturday, A and I are finally making a gingerbread house and a few other Christmas things. All shopping will be finished tomorrow! I'd really like to relax on my days off... Too bad, as a wife, I'm stuck doing wifely things. :P
Wellllll... My hand is killing me from typing this out on my phone. I will update later with my tentative IVF schedule. Eeeee!!!! :)
I am going to the RE today at 4pm to pick up my IVF calendar...FINALLY!! I've been waiting months to get to this point.
Wednesday, the 14th, I'm going in for my unterine sounding and SHG. As always, if you have experience with any of this, I'm gladly accepting advice on how to get through it. :)
What ellsseee.... Let's see.
OH. A was offered a huge promotion at work... However, the position is 90 miles from our apartment and I am just not willing to move. I know that sounds selfish but I have my reasons. First of all, we live for $200 a month here so if he has to commute we could absolutely afford it. Second, my parents want to be grandparents so bad and neither of them drive the interstate (some scary experience happened years ago that scarred them) so when we have babies, they'd never see them. Third, my parents live next door... That means I will have built in help at all times.
Some of the good things about the possible promotion: he might get to work four days instead of five... which means I'll see him MORE. He can stay with our friends a few nights a week to save on gas, which is super helpful. We have skype for the days that I miss him. Plus, if he takes the position (if it pays well enough) I get to stop working full time!! Hallelujah! My legs are so swollen constantly from being on my feet and I am doing home health. Last week my client fell into her bathtub and pulled me down with her. What happens when I'm pregnant and she doesn't that? Yeah, I don't even want to think about that.
Saturday, A and I are finally making a gingerbread house and a few other Christmas things. All shopping will be finished tomorrow! I'd really like to relax on my days off... Too bad, as a wife, I'm stuck doing wifely things. :P
Wellllll... My hand is killing me from typing this out on my phone. I will update later with my tentative IVF schedule. Eeeee!!!! :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
December To-Do List.
I love Christmas stuff and since I've had a few rough years, we've decided to celebrate large this year. We are kind of non-traditional though... A and I set ourselves a budget to buy things that we want and then we set a budget to buy gifts to surprise each other with. I have most of his surprise shopping done but I have no idea what I want this year. I want new clothes but I've gained 20lbs from all of the fertility meds and I know I'm going to be bloated when I am doing the IVF meds... so I just don't know what I want to do. :(
These are all of the things that I want to do (Christmas and non-Christmas related) in December:
1. Take the horse & carriage ride through our downtown
2. Get all of the Christmas shopping done early
3. Build gingerbread house
4. Make Christmas cookies at least twice
5. Buy Christmas pajamas
6. Put up lights outside of our apartment
7. Finish filling out Christmas cards for my pen pals (Yes, I have a few of those, they're amazing!)
8. See the light show at the Courthouse, the FULL show (we only stayed for 20 minutes of it because it was sooo cold out)
9. Get our apartment in order so I can relax when I'm doing IVF related stuff
10. Clean out the storage room at my parents house and take all of the stuff I don't use to the Salvation Army for less fortunate people
Also, I've read from all of you ladies that have done or are doing IVF about drinking Gatorade? Do you suggest I stock up soon if I'm going to start my stims in a few weeks? When do you actually start drinking it?
I'm a perfectionist and I NEED to have everything planned out so I'd rather know in advance what I need to get together to make this whole thing go as smooth as possible. :)
ALSO! I've been slacking on the commenting since ICLW ended but Sunday = suuuuper slow day at work, so I am planning on making it up to my readers! :) xoxoxoxo.
These are all of the things that I want to do (Christmas and non-Christmas related) in December:
1. Take the horse & carriage ride through our downtown
2. Get all of the Christmas shopping done early
3. Build gingerbread house
4. Make Christmas cookies at least twice
5. Buy Christmas pajamas
6. Put up lights outside of our apartment
7. Finish filling out Christmas cards for my pen pals (Yes, I have a few of those, they're amazing!)
8. See the light show at the Courthouse, the FULL show (we only stayed for 20 minutes of it because it was sooo cold out)
9. Get our apartment in order so I can relax when I'm doing IVF related stuff
10. Clean out the storage room at my parents house and take all of the stuff I don't use to the Salvation Army for less fortunate people
Also, I've read from all of you ladies that have done or are doing IVF about drinking Gatorade? Do you suggest I stock up soon if I'm going to start my stims in a few weeks? When do you actually start drinking it?
I'm a perfectionist and I NEED to have everything planned out so I'd rather know in advance what I need to get together to make this whole thing go as smooth as possible. :)
ALSO! I've been slacking on the commenting since ICLW ended but Sunday = suuuuper slow day at work, so I am planning on making it up to my readers! :) xoxoxoxo.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I'm Jealous.
Honestly.
I was watching One Born Every Minute on Lifetime (because it is recorded at a hospital 90 miles from me) and reality set in.
I won't have a natural pregnancy.
My husband and I won't have the joy of knowing we were able to create a child alone.
I haven't even started the IVF process, other than Provera to induce AF, and I fucking hate it already.
I'm blessed we get 3 absolutely free IVF attempts but I never wanted to be at this point.
I'm 24. I've already had cancer but now infertility? If they would've told me I might have fertility issues after chemotherapy, I probably would've skipped chemo. Seriously.
I'm angry. Jealous. Bitter. Resentful. -- at all fertile women.
Who knew all of these feelings would come out all because I watched a tv show....
I was watching One Born Every Minute on Lifetime (because it is recorded at a hospital 90 miles from me) and reality set in.
I won't have a natural pregnancy.
My husband and I won't have the joy of knowing we were able to create a child alone.
I haven't even started the IVF process, other than Provera to induce AF, and I fucking hate it already.
I'm blessed we get 3 absolutely free IVF attempts but I never wanted to be at this point.
I'm 24. I've already had cancer but now infertility? If they would've told me I might have fertility issues after chemotherapy, I probably would've skipped chemo. Seriously.
I'm angry. Jealous. Bitter. Resentful. -- at all fertile women.
Who knew all of these feelings would come out all because I watched a tv show....
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Thinking.
My husband and I have talked a lot about how many embryos we are going to transfer, if I have plenty of quality ones.... and we've both agreed on at least 2, if not 3.
The weird thing about this situation is:
1. I've had a dream that I transferred 3 and all of them took, and I had a great pregnancy (and 2 boys & a girl!).
2. My mother has been having dreams that I give birth to triplets (which is SO weird because I haven't told her about our decision to transfer multiples).
3. My husband, before we decided to talk about how many, kept telling me that he felt like 3 was a magic number.
It just seems to me that something is bringing that number to all of us...
,
I talked to my doctor about transferring 3 and he said he'd gladly do 2. He WILL do 3 but he wanted to make me aware of the high risks of a pregnancy carrying 3.
Gosh, I am so anxious to get this going. I just hope that the medicines work, the eggs fertilize, and we have a few to transfer and a few to freeze (just in case). Can we just hurry AF up? -- but NOT BEFORE THE 28TH!
I'm so looking forward to getting all of this IVF stuff started that I've spent the last 3 weeks decluttering our apartment, deep cleaning, packing up old clothes and took them to Goodwill, pre-planned Christmas shopping so I am not stressed over that, and set up a schedule to pay off our debt before 2012.
Yeah, bring on the triplets.
(Or twins or singleton! Just 2012, PLEASE BRING ME A BABY!)
I JUST WANT TO CLARIFY: I want to have a multiples pregnancy because I am putting myself at risk for MORE cancer. Because I had skin cancer, I'm high risk due to the hormones that come with pregnancy. I have the OK from my cancer doctor but she suggests ONE pregnancy and then a FIVE year break so I'd love multiples before I have to take a break!
:)
The weird thing about this situation is:
1. I've had a dream that I transferred 3 and all of them took, and I had a great pregnancy (and 2 boys & a girl!).
2. My mother has been having dreams that I give birth to triplets (which is SO weird because I haven't told her about our decision to transfer multiples).
3. My husband, before we decided to talk about how many, kept telling me that he felt like 3 was a magic number.
It just seems to me that something is bringing that number to all of us...
,
I talked to my doctor about transferring 3 and he said he'd gladly do 2. He WILL do 3 but he wanted to make me aware of the high risks of a pregnancy carrying 3.
Gosh, I am so anxious to get this going. I just hope that the medicines work, the eggs fertilize, and we have a few to transfer and a few to freeze (just in case). Can we just hurry AF up? -- but NOT BEFORE THE 28TH!
I'm so looking forward to getting all of this IVF stuff started that I've spent the last 3 weeks decluttering our apartment, deep cleaning, packing up old clothes and took them to Goodwill, pre-planned Christmas shopping so I am not stressed over that, and set up a schedule to pay off our debt before 2012.
Yeah, bring on the triplets.
(Or twins or singleton! Just 2012, PLEASE BRING ME A BABY!)
I JUST WANT TO CLARIFY: I want to have a multiples pregnancy because I am putting myself at risk for MORE cancer. Because I had skin cancer, I'm high risk due to the hormones that come with pregnancy. I have the OK from my cancer doctor but she suggests ONE pregnancy and then a FIVE year break so I'd love multiples before I have to take a break!
:)
Monday, November 21, 2011
IComLeavWe!
I am participating in my FIRST IComLeavWe! I love it already. :)
For those that are reading for the first time:
I'm Kayla! I'm married and we are trying to conceive baby #1. I have fertility issues after being on chemotherapy for a 11 months (but hey, I'm a cancer survivor!) -- My husband (referred to as A on here) and I are about to begin our journey into our first IVF.
Ohhhh! I forgot to mention (totally off topic of the introduction) but a friend and I have a spa day set up for next Friday. HECK YES. Perfect way to relax, ease my mind and be stress free going into IVF junk.
Now, if AF stays away for another week, I'll be the happiest little camper EVER.
For those that are reading for the first time:
I'm Kayla! I'm married and we are trying to conceive baby #1. I have fertility issues after being on chemotherapy for a 11 months (but hey, I'm a cancer survivor!) -- My husband (referred to as A on here) and I are about to begin our journey into our first IVF.
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| Best friend on the left.... me on the right! |
Ohhhh! I forgot to mention (totally off topic of the introduction) but a friend and I have a spa day set up for next Friday. HECK YES. Perfect way to relax, ease my mind and be stress free going into IVF junk.
Now, if AF stays away for another week, I'll be the happiest little camper EVER.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Lazy Sunday.
I seriously have the best job, ever.
I take care of a wonderful woman with Multiple Sclerosis, I'll call her J on here.
I spend 6 days a week with this woman and I've gotten to know her very well.
She knows 100% about my choice to do IVF and she is totally OK with me switching my schedule around a bunch during the process and all of the bloodwork and whatnot beforehand.
I am so LUCKY to have this job!
The baby birthday party for little Miss R went great. She smashed her cupcake to pieces and tried to wear her new clothes from me on her head. :)
I have a few pictures of this little princess that I'll post, two of which are with my husband. It melts my heart to see him interacting with babies... he's going to be such an amazing father.
I take care of a wonderful woman with Multiple Sclerosis, I'll call her J on here.
I spend 6 days a week with this woman and I've gotten to know her very well.
She knows 100% about my choice to do IVF and she is totally OK with me switching my schedule around a bunch during the process and all of the bloodwork and whatnot beforehand.
I am so LUCKY to have this job!
The baby birthday party for little Miss R went great. She smashed her cupcake to pieces and tried to wear her new clothes from me on her head. :)
I have a few pictures of this little princess that I'll post, two of which are with my husband. It melts my heart to see him interacting with babies... he's going to be such an amazing father.
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| A & baby R - Turkey baby 2010! |
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| Her first time eating baby food, early 2011 (A feeding her!) |
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| Goofy little girl, 1 year old - cupcake smashing! |
I love this little girl and her brother! Her brother being born was the first (and only!) time that I've witnessed a birth and it was amazing. Such a cute little family.
I am going to start my Provera on Thursday! If I have my period on or around December 5, I will be doing a late January transfer. YAAYYY!!! I hope that my first IVF is my ONLY IVF. I'm wore out and I haven't even started the process. Hahaha.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Slacking.
I haven't updated in a few days, the husband and I have been getting into couple-y type things (and I LOVE the time with him!).
On Thursday, we had dinner with a wonderful couple and their daughter. It was nice to see them, it had been MONTHS and the baby had grown so much! They're the kind of friends that you don't have to see often to feel comfortable around. After dinner, we went to Kmart and picked up our layaway.... I'll have to post pictures of the apartment after I get all of the new pretty stuff put out! I FINALLY bought curtains for the kitchen, our bedroom, and for the studio. I picked out a beautiful area rug for the living room since we are no longer using a coffee table AND we now have a Pur water filtration system on the faucet. I love that thing so much and NO MORE PITCHER in the fridge to waste space!
Yesterday, we were going to do dinner and a movie... which turned into just dinner and a lot of laughs with some more friends. I had to take my wedding ring to the jewelry store for my 6 month inspection and OF COURSE, I had a diamond a tiiiiny bit wobbly. I sent the ring out for repair but I feel so naked without it. :( When I'm not wearing my ring, it feels like something is wrong.
We had dinner at a place called Adornetto's. It's a local Italian place and it is some of the best food that I've ever tasted. I always get their wedding soup and garlic bread with cheese. At dinner (with another couple and their little girl), my husband decided to spill dressing all over himself. I laughed until I cried and my face hurt.
That is exactly what I've been needing.
I've been missing the laughing and the nights out. I've missed the "dates" and the hand holding. For the past two weeks, I've had my husband back and I'm loving every second of it. We have next Thursday and Friday together, too, and then he's going back to band practice in December. I don't mind because we are going to have a few extra days to spend together next month, so I guess I'll let it slide. Haha.
Today is a baby birthday party for a beautiful little girl. She is one of the few children that I feel comfortable around and her mother is one of the parents that doesn't judge me when I admit that I get uneasy when their kids cry... or need a diaper change (yes, I'll admit, I've never changed a diaper. I'm saving it until the poop is from my own spawn). I have a shopping addiction for my friends' children so we went to Children's Place last night.... oh, bad idea. :)
Nothing super exciting to report. I had a BETA test done yesterday (just because they made me) and SURPRISE, I am NOT pregnant (obviously!). The nurse called and she was like "We got your beta results and you're not pregnant." My response was: "Well, obviously! I had small follies and we didn't trigger, I haven't even had a period since September." I think she felt stupid so she changed the stupid super fast and told me to start Provera on Thursday. I turned in my prescription and as long as I make it to November 28 with no period, my IVF is on track. Sooo... cross your fingers for me that I don't bleed for 10 more day. PLEASE?!
On Thursday, we had dinner with a wonderful couple and their daughter. It was nice to see them, it had been MONTHS and the baby had grown so much! They're the kind of friends that you don't have to see often to feel comfortable around. After dinner, we went to Kmart and picked up our layaway.... I'll have to post pictures of the apartment after I get all of the new pretty stuff put out! I FINALLY bought curtains for the kitchen, our bedroom, and for the studio. I picked out a beautiful area rug for the living room since we are no longer using a coffee table AND we now have a Pur water filtration system on the faucet. I love that thing so much and NO MORE PITCHER in the fridge to waste space!
Yesterday, we were going to do dinner and a movie... which turned into just dinner and a lot of laughs with some more friends. I had to take my wedding ring to the jewelry store for my 6 month inspection and OF COURSE, I had a diamond a tiiiiny bit wobbly. I sent the ring out for repair but I feel so naked without it. :( When I'm not wearing my ring, it feels like something is wrong.
We had dinner at a place called Adornetto's. It's a local Italian place and it is some of the best food that I've ever tasted. I always get their wedding soup and garlic bread with cheese. At dinner (with another couple and their little girl), my husband decided to spill dressing all over himself. I laughed until I cried and my face hurt.
That is exactly what I've been needing.
I've been missing the laughing and the nights out. I've missed the "dates" and the hand holding. For the past two weeks, I've had my husband back and I'm loving every second of it. We have next Thursday and Friday together, too, and then he's going back to band practice in December. I don't mind because we are going to have a few extra days to spend together next month, so I guess I'll let it slide. Haha.
Today is a baby birthday party for a beautiful little girl. She is one of the few children that I feel comfortable around and her mother is one of the parents that doesn't judge me when I admit that I get uneasy when their kids cry... or need a diaper change (yes, I'll admit, I've never changed a diaper. I'm saving it until the poop is from my own spawn). I have a shopping addiction for my friends' children so we went to Children's Place last night.... oh, bad idea. :)
 |
| TOO cute to pass up for the little girl I love adore! |
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| I saw this and instantly KNEW we had to buy it for our favorite little boy! No idea why, it just made me laugh super hard. I think I just love the eyebrows, hahaha. |
Nothing super exciting to report. I had a BETA test done yesterday (just because they made me) and SURPRISE, I am NOT pregnant (obviously!). The nurse called and she was like "We got your beta results and you're not pregnant." My response was: "Well, obviously! I had small follies and we didn't trigger, I haven't even had a period since September." I think she felt stupid so she changed the stupid super fast and told me to start Provera on Thursday. I turned in my prescription and as long as I make it to November 28 with no period, my IVF is on track. Sooo... cross your fingers for me that I don't bleed for 10 more day. PLEASE?!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Short & Sweet
I'm at work so I don't have much time.
I picked up my Lupron yesterday. :)
It hit me, in 60ish days.... I might be carrying my future child(ren).
The rest of my medicine will be here on Tuesday. Woo woo!
I picked up my Lupron yesterday. :)
It hit me, in 60ish days.... I might be carrying my future child(ren).
The rest of my medicine will be here on Tuesday. Woo woo!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Christmas Stuff Already?
Man, I went to Walmart yesterday and they had their entire Christmas department set up. I'm seeing Christmas commercials from big companies already.. why do I feel like they're starting these earlier and earlier each year? Jeesh.
This year for Christmas, as long as our IVF medicines don't post an arm and a leg, we are planning on buying a new couch and curtains for our bedroom, kitchen and future nursery (to cover up the ugly blinds that we have). I want to get my husband something for his gifts, we usually set a budget of $100 for each other and then buy one huge gift together. Well, he already got his major gift from me in freaking September. :( A new computer monitor and a video card...$300, not $100. Not that I really care, he works hard. :) All that I want is that couch and maybe some help organizing the house. Last year, he bought me diamond earrings and clothes... But I'm way too uncomfortable with my body this year, damn Clomid!
I cannot believe this time 2009, I was bed bound and recovering from surgery. This time 2010, I was recovering from a hangover. :) We celebrated me being cancer free for DAYS!
I'm hoping since the holidays are approaching, that I can forget my TTC woes and enjoy myself. Knowing me, I'll end up being sad that we aren't sharing it with a new member of the family, or at least preparing for one. Oh well, if my January IVF works, we will have a baby (or babies) just in time for Halloween, Thanksgiving AND Christmas 2012. :)
I need to look on the bright side of things more often, it's nice not stressing/being upset.
I will say this though, the IVF medicine people BETTER call me back before 2pm like they said.
Grrr. :)!
-------------------------------------------
Got my IVF medicine call :) My supplies will be here on Tuesday! :)
This year for Christmas, as long as our IVF medicines don't post an arm and a leg, we are planning on buying a new couch and curtains for our bedroom, kitchen and future nursery (to cover up the ugly blinds that we have). I want to get my husband something for his gifts, we usually set a budget of $100 for each other and then buy one huge gift together. Well, he already got his major gift from me in freaking September. :( A new computer monitor and a video card...$300, not $100. Not that I really care, he works hard. :) All that I want is that couch and maybe some help organizing the house. Last year, he bought me diamond earrings and clothes... But I'm way too uncomfortable with my body this year, damn Clomid!
I cannot believe this time 2009, I was bed bound and recovering from surgery. This time 2010, I was recovering from a hangover. :) We celebrated me being cancer free for DAYS!
I'm hoping since the holidays are approaching, that I can forget my TTC woes and enjoy myself. Knowing me, I'll end up being sad that we aren't sharing it with a new member of the family, or at least preparing for one. Oh well, if my January IVF works, we will have a baby (or babies) just in time for Halloween, Thanksgiving AND Christmas 2012. :)
I need to look on the bright side of things more often, it's nice not stressing/being upset.
I will say this though, the IVF medicine people BETTER call me back before 2pm like they said.
Grrr. :)!
-------------------------------------------
Got my IVF medicine call :) My supplies will be here on Tuesday! :)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Time is Flying
And I'm super glad. I was supposed to get my IVF meds confirmation yesterday but no.
I called in today to verify and oh, she forgot to send the request. So I made her fax it while I was on the phone and demanded a confirmation (just to be a bitch). No reason she shouldn't have done it on Friday like she said she would. She even admitted that she forgot to do it. Grr.
I know I don't need them until next month but I want to do it while we can afford it now.
I'm hoping to start Provera on the 10th and have my period by the 25th. Depending on when these a-holes get it together. It's tiring at how awful they are with returning calls and showing passion for their job.
If this IVF fails, I am sure as hell not staying with this company. The doctor is awesome but his nurses make me feel stupid.
I wish the damn lab wasn't shutting down for FDA mandated cleaning....of course, when I am ready for IVF.
OF COOOOURSE.
I called in today to verify and oh, she forgot to send the request. So I made her fax it while I was on the phone and demanded a confirmation (just to be a bitch). No reason she shouldn't have done it on Friday like she said she would. She even admitted that she forgot to do it. Grr.
I know I don't need them until next month but I want to do it while we can afford it now.
I'm hoping to start Provera on the 10th and have my period by the 25th. Depending on when these a-holes get it together. It's tiring at how awful they are with returning calls and showing passion for their job.
If this IVF fails, I am sure as hell not staying with this company. The doctor is awesome but his nurses make me feel stupid.
I wish the damn lab wasn't shutting down for FDA mandated cleaning....of course, when I am ready for IVF.
OF COOOOURSE.
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