So Husband and I have been doing a lot of talking -- and as of now, we have decided there will be no more babies in our future.
Of course, the twins might get to be a few years old and could change our mind but until then, we've been in talks of what to do with the 6 frozen embryos we have left.
I have mentioned to Husband more than once that I want to look into donating the embryos and surprisingly, he is on board!
At first, it really hadn't crossed my mind... and then I started to think into it a bit more. The only thought I really had was "Is it kind of weird that Little Miss & Little Man will have biological brothers and sisters out there, that they'll never know?"
No. It isn't weird at all. Why? Because Husband and I have been through shit. We've been broke to the point of having bank accounts in the red and living off of $20 for an entire month. I've had cancer, surgeries and chemotherapy. The chemotherapy ruined my ovaries ability to grow and release eggs. Clomid, all 3 doses, failed. IVF #1 resulted in OHSS and hospitalization. FET #1 was a success but morning sickness was immediate. I was hospitalized a few times for dehydration and didn't work for 14 weeks right at the beginning. Went into pre-term labor at 26 weeks. The twins came at 28 weeks.
So what does that have to do with WHY I want to donate these embryos?
I want to provide a child or children to a couple that cannot create their own miracle.
I was interested in surrogacy for a long time before I even had my own child because I've read some of the blogs on there that literally made me burst into tears. With my own pregnancy being SO terrible and the premature babies, I won't carry for anyone else - but I can donate these frozen embryos and give someone an amazing gift. I can't even imagine "throwing away" these little beings, which is essentially what WILL happen if we choose not to pay for the storage again.
We have the option of TWO more 100% FREE IVFs through our insurance, so if it comes down to needing assistance to get pregnant again (if I choose so in the future), then I have that to turn to.
If you were being faced with this situation, what would you do?
I can't say what I would do because I have no idea but I think that is a great selfless act of kindness. You would be giving someone an amazing gift!
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I think I would keep them until I knew for certain we were done tying to expand our family if it were me, but it took many cycles for me to finally get and stay pregnant. I do think I can understand your reasoning with the two IVF cycles in the future there if needed, and it does seem like you've thought a lot about this. Good on you for thinking of donating them to another couple. That kind of gift would be amazing for a struggling couple!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have talked a lot about what to do with our frozen embryos-we have 12 left and many are a high grade. We also think we are done after the twins, but aren't entirely sure. It might be nice to have a singleton in 4-5 years... We're hanging on to ours for a while but we have also discussed donating them one day of we decide we are done having children. I think it's great that you are willing to donate. What an amazing gift to be able to give to someone!!
ReplyDeleteYou are simply amazing! There is no other gift, like the gift of life. I hope you and babies are doing wonderful!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I think that donating your embryos is probably one of the most amazing gifts you could ever give, I suggest waiting until your twins are a little older to decide. When my twins were first born (full term twins, uncomplicated pregnancy) I thought I could never, ever do it all again. Then after about 3 months I started to want to try again naturally when the time was right (we didn't have any frozen embryos) but I thought that we would NEVER do IVF again. After over year of trying on our own, with one chemical pregnancy under our belts, we went for IVF again. We did limited fertilization of only 6 eggs and donated the remaining eggs to a friend. We did eSET's and were successful with our third in line embryo. My point is that your thoughts on the subject change as time goes on. You'll know when you are truly done, but give it some time. However, I will also say to trust your gut and you can't go wrong! If you do decide to donate you are giving the potential gift of life...and that is simply awesome. I applaud you for the consideration!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely donate them rather than letting them be thrown away. I couldn't even think of letting that happen.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog!
Hi Kayla! I've been reading your blog for a while now...almost a year. I never commented because I didn't blog myself but started consistently blogging in the last few months. From reading your blog, I take it that you are from Ohio? I am also from Ohio...between Columbus and Cincinnati. Where does your husband work that you guys get such awesome insurance? I would love to have great insurance! We at least have meds covered, so I can't complain.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just wanted to finally leave a comment...your babies are absolutely beautiful and you are truly blessed. And to consider donating your embryos is such a loving and selfless act. I'll keep reading and I hope you and babies are doing well.
I agree with what everyone else is saying. I think that the idea of donating is an amazing, beautiful idea and makes sense to give back to others who are still on the other side. That being said, don't be entirely selfless. Be sure of what you and your husband want. They say that you only know you've made a "wise decision" if you make the decision, give it some time, and then still feel certain and right about the decision you've made.
ReplyDeletep.s. Has anyone read the book by Jodi Picoult called Sing You Home? Deals with issues like this in a different twist.
Hi from ICLW....interestingly I am pregnant with twins via IVF. We have 8 frozen embryos left, and I do not think I want more two children. I always thought I'd donate - I understand its difficult for some people to think about "their kids" walking around somewhere, but for me I'd like to give a couple the opportunity to have kids who cannot. I'm with you on this one.
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW - we are currently pregnant with twins after IVF, and I've always said I wasn't sure I wanted more than two kids. DH and I have also talked about donating our remaining embryos. I'd love to give another struggling couple the opportunity to have children - I'm with you on this one!
ReplyDeleteI would donate them as well, but of course it's a very personal choice. Good luck with your decision! Visiting from ICLW.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a tough decision. I've thought about it a lot, what we would do if we had FE's, and I'm not sure I would be able to donate them. We haven't had any FE's yet though, so we haven't truly had to go there. I absolutely admire your decision! I think that is awesome. I'm just not sure I would be able to do the same. But, then again, maybe we would....I just don't know.
ReplyDeleteHere from ICLW... as a recipient of donated embryos, I think donating them is a great idea.(to me preferably lol. I kid, I kid. I find out on the dec 28th if this next FET with donor embryos works!!!!)
ReplyDeleteI can not express to you the level of gratitude that I have for our donors. They have given us hope when we had none. I realize it may not be an easy decision, however please know you would be changing someones life. Giving them hope at a time where most other options have not worked out.
We have 4 frozen embies. I am hoping and praying our FET brings us twins from two of those and the other two I can donate. I love the idea of helping someone else!
ReplyDeleteI think you are selfless with your thoughts and donating your embryos could offer life to those who can not produce on their own. My husband and I did 3 IUI' and 2 IVF's all failed and have No embies that survived past 3 days and the Dr's have no answers. We have thought about embryo donation as we have no money left for adoption process right now because of all the fertility treatments and I have been told at 34 years old that my eggs are not "good." You are blessed to have frozen embies wheather they be for you or for another blessed family.
ReplyDeleteIf I were in that situation, I would probably do two ESET with the two free IVF cycles and donate the rest of the embryos. Hard to say since I'm not in that situation and I'd have to take into consideration what the other genetic half of the embryos would have to say about donating them. I think it would have to be a known donation. Not necessarily me in their life, just a "get to know you" before hand and the option for our children to meet should they ever feel the need to know their biological siblings.
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