Ew. Money.

So, I had my FET consult on Wednesday!
I haven't been motivated to update here much... becauuuseee I am trying to keep my mind off of trying to be fat and pregnant.

Looks like we are going to be doing our FET next month... around March 21st, to be exact!
And the best news???
NO MORE INJECTIONS! I am doing the oral/vaginal protocol. :)


My RE had tears in his eyes when he first saw me. He felt so bad about me developing OHSS that he spend 45 minutes apologizing to me. I feel like half of that problem was my fault.. I broke down in the IVF nurses office because I didn't want my cycle to be cancelled. They knew how important is was to me. I'm just nervous now to get the damn emergency room/hospital stay bills. Sigh.

We finally got our bill for the embryo storage for 2012... $415. Is that about normal? How much have you ladies paid in the past for embryo storage?


I was sad because our insurance pays for 3 free IVFs so I was hooopinnggg they paid for the embryo storage, too. The IVF nurse said that it was weird that I hadn't gotten a bill within a week -- it actually took almost 3 so I was HOPING it was paid for. Nope. Ohhhh well, $415 isn't going to kill us. I've been hording money so that when things like this come up, I shouldn't need to panic but I do!


Speaking of spending money....
I bought this yesterday.

Spending money on myself freaking stresses me out. I could buy stuff for A without thinking twice but I just can't do it for myself. Honestly, my husband had to press ORDER for me because I started to have an anxiety attack over spending the money. The laptop that I have now is supposed to be a desktop replacement -- it's not intended to be carried around because it is 11 fucking pounds.  I dropped it on my foot once and I seriously thought I crushed all of my bones.

I am back to work, finally. I love my job but man, it was nice to have a few days to lay around and do nothing. I forgot what it was like to relax.

I might not update for another week or so... I've been devoting myself to finding me. This means I've been reading, taking bubble baths, listening to music (this is important to ME because music = my savior), taking time to contact friends I haven't seen in a while, spending time with my family, writing letters to my pen pals, putting my phone on silent and ignoring it, and finally.... remembering how I got here. Through love, strength, trials, tribulations, courage...

The one thing that I've truly realized in the past few weeks?
I honestly have THE best husband anyone could ask for. 
I know my last few posts have said this but I am NOT an affectionate woman.
I haven't told my parents I loved them since I was diagnosed with cancer. It's not that I don't love my parents/family... I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions. Hell, I don't even like to be hugged/touched. My husband has to force himself upon me for hugs sometimes because I am so picky about being touched.




Oh, before I end... I begged for my cancer scan 3 months early... I go on February 22. I am scared as fuck that they will find something and this whole baby thing will be put on hold again. I won't find out my results in March 6... imagine that wait. It's worse then a 2 week wait.

I'll be fine.


I'm cancer free.

....I hope!