I am going to sit down tomorrow and write to all of you that have left comments and/or emailed me lately! I've been SO damn busy but I figured I'd throw you all a quick update :)
I am transferring 2 blasts on March 30! If they stick, I'll have an EDD of December 15, 2012 -- the birthday of a friend that has passed. I swear, this whole date-being-the-date-of-something-meaningful-thing has gotten to me!
I start my meds on Sunday :) I am inserting the Femring and applying a Vivelle patch. I am NOT stoked about the Femring but what can you do? I am SO damn glad to NOT be on the Lupron protocol with the Progesterone in Oil shots.
Anyway! The medicine that I am going to be using:
1 Femring for 31 days
Vivelle patches
Endometrim
Prometrium 100mg
Prometrium 200mg
Minocycline
Medrol
If I get pregnant, I'll continue with four Vivelle patches every Monday & Thursday, get a new Femring, and do Prometrium three times a day..... for 10 weeks!
Oh and.
I had my 3 month check-up at the cancer doctor and my CT scan results were good... except something they didn't mention over the phone.
Apparently, some lymphnodes in my groin area (where the cancer had spread to) were enlarged. They did a scan in May 2011 and saw them and since then, there has been very little change.
But there has been change....and that is not good.
So, if I'm pregnant and I have the baby by the end of this year, I'll an immediate body scan afterwards. I've been so upset and so concerned since I read an article about a mother passing stage 4 Melanoma on to her baby and the 9 month old baby is now dying (the mother passed).
My oncologist reassured me that is an extreme case and not to worry.
But she also made me bawl when she said: "Melanoma is never really gone, it's just lying dormant in your body. It could come back at every time but you are doing all that you can so please try not to worry."
....Not worry?
HAHAHAHA.
Okay, the husband and I are going to relax tonight and do a little cleaning tomorrow. I am very anxious for him to get to see the house soon! Most likely next week now.
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
FET, CT Scan, and.... a House?
Damn, I haven't updated in some time! I didn't even sign up for ICLW this month... what is wrong with meeee? Oh, I've been busy, that's right.
Well, what has been going on?
My FET drama is resolved. After 30 days of fighting, crying, cussing and calling non-stop -- I paid my $141 deposit and I am on my way to a FET. I will get my call Monday about medicine costs.
I had my CT scan yesterday and that was a fucking nightmare. I was told to come in at 11am for bloodwork to make sure that I wasn't pregnant... and that was supposed to take an hour. I was also told to get there at 12:15pm to get my iv and barium before 12:30pm. Yeah fucking right. I sat there until 2:15pm and some mouthy little nurse came out and said "I wanted to tell you what is going on, your bloodwork was sent to the wrong hospital but we should have the results back in 45 minutes to an hour. You can go ahead and start drinking the barium but if your result are positive, you will have drank it for nothing."
I.
Went.
Off.
They waited THAT LONG to tell me that THEY made a mistake and I was being forced to sit there starving. So... around 2:45, the nurse put my iv in and I had already drank my entire bottle of barium water. She said I would be in and out in less than 10 minutes -- and then I sat in a chair for 25 minutes alone while I heard another nurse say "Go ahead and grab the older man in the waiting room. He's been waiting since like 2pm." I stood up and walked out. As I walked out into the main waiting area, A thought it was time to leave, just to find out that we still had MORE waiting to do.
I finally got out of the damn hospital around 4pm. I am NEVER going to use that hospital ever again.... everrrrrrr.
*#)($*@)(*#@()#@)(.
Okay, that's out of my system now.
SD and I went to Once Upon a Child today... I saw so many little music related clothing items and it broke my heart. Ah. Let's hope my FET is a success on the first try. *crosses fingers*
Ohhhhh. So.
I've had this friend since I was 5 years old -- and her parents house was my 2nd home. In the summer, I'd stay at their house more than my own! She moved to North Carolina a few years back and her parents moved there this winter... leaving the house. I have always loved their house. When I was 14, my dad bought me an architecture program and I would re-create their house ALL of the time... it's old and has so much character.
To the point: they want to sell the house and we have not-so-good credit. Well, A's credit is MUUUCCHHH better than mine (fucking cancer bills) so there is talk of a land contract until our credit improves.
Picture this: 4 bedroom house. Formal dining room. Newer kitchen/appliances. Living room with an attached playroom. Fireplace. Finished attic.
Shit, I love that house.
My only dilemma is: My parents wanted us to take over their house and they wanted to get a one story house -- probably within 2 years from now. My dad also put about $3,500 into making our apartment beautiful and the thought of only living here for 13 months & moving makes me want to cry.
I just don't want them to feel like we don't appreciate the things they've done for us. Realistically, it would make muuuuch more sense for us to move into the 4 bedroom house with an attic because of the space factor.
I am SO torn.
Advice, anyone?
Well, what has been going on?
My FET drama is resolved. After 30 days of fighting, crying, cussing and calling non-stop -- I paid my $141 deposit and I am on my way to a FET. I will get my call Monday about medicine costs.
I had my CT scan yesterday and that was a fucking nightmare. I was told to come in at 11am for bloodwork to make sure that I wasn't pregnant... and that was supposed to take an hour. I was also told to get there at 12:15pm to get my iv and barium before 12:30pm. Yeah fucking right. I sat there until 2:15pm and some mouthy little nurse came out and said "I wanted to tell you what is going on, your bloodwork was sent to the wrong hospital but we should have the results back in 45 minutes to an hour. You can go ahead and start drinking the barium but if your result are positive, you will have drank it for nothing."
I.
Went.
Off.
They waited THAT LONG to tell me that THEY made a mistake and I was being forced to sit there starving. So... around 2:45, the nurse put my iv in and I had already drank my entire bottle of barium water. She said I would be in and out in less than 10 minutes -- and then I sat in a chair for 25 minutes alone while I heard another nurse say "Go ahead and grab the older man in the waiting room. He's been waiting since like 2pm." I stood up and walked out. As I walked out into the main waiting area, A thought it was time to leave, just to find out that we still had MORE waiting to do.
I finally got out of the damn hospital around 4pm. I am NEVER going to use that hospital ever again.... everrrrrrr.
*#)($*@)(*#@()#@)(.
Okay, that's out of my system now.
SD and I went to Once Upon a Child today... I saw so many little music related clothing items and it broke my heart. Ah. Let's hope my FET is a success on the first try. *crosses fingers*
Ohhhhh. So.
I've had this friend since I was 5 years old -- and her parents house was my 2nd home. In the summer, I'd stay at their house more than my own! She moved to North Carolina a few years back and her parents moved there this winter... leaving the house. I have always loved their house. When I was 14, my dad bought me an architecture program and I would re-create their house ALL of the time... it's old and has so much character.
To the point: they want to sell the house and we have not-so-good credit. Well, A's credit is MUUUCCHHH better than mine (fucking cancer bills) so there is talk of a land contract until our credit improves.
Picture this: 4 bedroom house. Formal dining room. Newer kitchen/appliances. Living room with an attached playroom. Fireplace. Finished attic.
Shit, I love that house.
My only dilemma is: My parents wanted us to take over their house and they wanted to get a one story house -- probably within 2 years from now. My dad also put about $3,500 into making our apartment beautiful and the thought of only living here for 13 months & moving makes me want to cry.
I just don't want them to feel like we don't appreciate the things they've done for us. Realistically, it would make muuuuch more sense for us to move into the 4 bedroom house with an attic because of the space factor.
I am SO torn.
Advice, anyone?
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Ew. Money.
So, I had my FET consult on Wednesday!
I haven't been motivated to update here much... becauuuseee I am trying to keep my mind off of trying to be fat and pregnant.
Looks like we are going to be doing our FET next month... around March 21st, to be exact!
And the best news???
NO MORE INJECTIONS! I am doing the oral/vaginal protocol. :)
My RE had tears in his eyes when he first saw me. He felt so bad about me developing OHSS that he spend 45 minutes apologizing to me. I feel like half of that problem was my fault.. I broke down in the IVF nurses office because I didn't want my cycle to be cancelled. They knew how important is was to me. I'm just nervous now to get the damn emergency room/hospital stay bills. Sigh.
We finally got our bill for the embryo storage for 2012... $415. Is that about normal? How much have you ladies paid in the past for embryo storage?
I was sad because our insurance pays for 3 free IVFs so I was hooopinnggg they paid for the embryo storage, too. The IVF nurse said that it was weird that I hadn't gotten a bill within a week -- it actually took almost 3 so I was HOPING it was paid for. Nope. Ohhhh well, $415 isn't going to kill us. I've been hording money so that when things like this come up, I shouldn't need to panic but I do!
Speaking of spending money....
I bought this yesterday.
Spending money on myself freaking stresses me out. I could buy stuff for A without thinking twice but I just can't do it for myself. Honestly, my husband had to press ORDER for me because I started to have an anxiety attack over spending the money. The laptop that I have now is supposed to be a desktop replacement -- it's not intended to be carried around because it is 11 fucking pounds. I dropped it on my foot once and I seriously thought I crushed all of my bones.
I am back to work, finally. I love my job but man, it was nice to have a few days to lay around and do nothing. I forgot what it was like to relax.
I might not update for another week or so... I've been devoting myself to finding me. This means I've been reading, taking bubble baths, listening to music (this is important to ME because music = my savior), taking time to contact friends I haven't seen in a while, spending time with my family, writing letters to my pen pals, putting my phone on silent and ignoring it, and finally.... remembering how I got here. Through love, strength, trials, tribulations, courage...
The one thing that I've truly realized in the past few weeks?
I honestly have THE best husband anyone could ask for.
I know my last few posts have said this but I am NOT an affectionate woman.
I haven't told my parents I loved them since I was diagnosed with cancer. It's not that I don't love my parents/family... I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions. Hell, I don't even like to be hugged/touched. My husband has to force himself upon me for hugs sometimes because I am so picky about being touched.
Oh, before I end... I begged for my cancer scan 3 months early... I go on February 22. I am scared as fuck that they will find something and this whole baby thing will be put on hold again. I won't find out my results in March 6... imagine that wait. It's worse then a 2 week wait.
I'll be fine.
I'm cancer free.
....I hope!
I haven't been motivated to update here much... becauuuseee I am trying to keep my mind off of trying to be fat and pregnant.
Looks like we are going to be doing our FET next month... around March 21st, to be exact!
And the best news???
NO MORE INJECTIONS! I am doing the oral/vaginal protocol. :)
My RE had tears in his eyes when he first saw me. He felt so bad about me developing OHSS that he spend 45 minutes apologizing to me. I feel like half of that problem was my fault.. I broke down in the IVF nurses office because I didn't want my cycle to be cancelled. They knew how important is was to me. I'm just nervous now to get the damn emergency room/hospital stay bills. Sigh.
We finally got our bill for the embryo storage for 2012... $415. Is that about normal? How much have you ladies paid in the past for embryo storage?
I was sad because our insurance pays for 3 free IVFs so I was hooopinnggg they paid for the embryo storage, too. The IVF nurse said that it was weird that I hadn't gotten a bill within a week -- it actually took almost 3 so I was HOPING it was paid for. Nope. Ohhhh well, $415 isn't going to kill us. I've been hording money so that when things like this come up, I shouldn't need to panic but I do!
Speaking of spending money....
I bought this yesterday.
I am back to work, finally. I love my job but man, it was nice to have a few days to lay around and do nothing. I forgot what it was like to relax.
I might not update for another week or so... I've been devoting myself to finding me. This means I've been reading, taking bubble baths, listening to music (this is important to ME because music = my savior), taking time to contact friends I haven't seen in a while, spending time with my family, writing letters to my pen pals, putting my phone on silent and ignoring it, and finally.... remembering how I got here. Through love, strength, trials, tribulations, courage...
The one thing that I've truly realized in the past few weeks?
I honestly have THE best husband anyone could ask for.
I know my last few posts have said this but I am NOT an affectionate woman.
I haven't told my parents I loved them since I was diagnosed with cancer. It's not that I don't love my parents/family... I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions. Hell, I don't even like to be hugged/touched. My husband has to force himself upon me for hugs sometimes because I am so picky about being touched.
Oh, before I end... I begged for my cancer scan 3 months early... I go on February 22. I am scared as fuck that they will find something and this whole baby thing will be put on hold again. I won't find out my results in March 6... imagine that wait. It's worse then a 2 week wait.
I'll be fine.
I'm cancer free.
....I hope!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
RELIEF!
....in a few ways :P
ANYWAY!
Today was the big visit to the cancer hospital and it was one was hell of a long day.
We got there at 9:30am and the registration lady told me that I DID NOT have bloodwork and x-rays... I assured her about 12842 times that I DO have them. She told me to go to the 10th floor and wait for my doctor, if he wanted me to have those, he'd order them. Soooo... we sit there from 9:30 to 10:30 an an Aide came out and asked if we needed anything while waiting. I said "Yes, I am POSITIVE that I have labs and x-rays but the woman downstairs said no, can you check on this for me?" She came back in 2 minutes and said "OH YES! You absolutely have those, go to the next building." .......It was freaking 30* out today and pouring rain.
The doctor finally came in to see me around 11:30am. Honestly, I just love this doctor. I had a doctor for 2 years, the one that was there when I did chemotherapy and whatnot but I hated her. I heard her talking shit about me because I wanted a CT scan on my legs (for severe pain) and she made me wait FOUR hours and then I heard her telling her nurse that I was just going to have to wait even longer because there were patients that actually deserved her attention. I made a HUGE deal out of this to the hospital and they sent me gas cards and stuff and then introduced me to Dr. O -- he's monotone and he twitches but he's AWESOME.
Did I mention that he said to NOT listen to my other doctor and that 1 baby or 10 babies in my stomach is nooottt putting me at risk. Did you read that.... I AM NOT GOING TO BE AT RISK. I trust this man with my life and I totally freaking believe what he says. My other doctor, she's a crock of shit. He said if I wanted a second or third opinion on this situation that he wouldn't be offended and he would direct me to where I needed to go. I said no because I DO trust him. :)
They fit me in for a last minute physical therapy session because my left leg is very swollen and fluid filled. I was fitted for a compression stocking, hoping to order that this week.
My best friend, husband and myself had lunch at Rooster's and then we went to pick up my rings. I had to send them out at their 6 month inspection for a loose diamond and I've been without them for TWO weeks... (feels like a lifetime).
And just because I am picture happy....
Oh, and the Provera is KICKING my ass this time. I've been so freaking exhausted....and sick to my stomach for 3 days now. Uuugghhh.
ANYWAY!
Today was the big visit to the cancer hospital and it was one was hell of a long day.
We got there at 9:30am and the registration lady told me that I DID NOT have bloodwork and x-rays... I assured her about 12842 times that I DO have them. She told me to go to the 10th floor and wait for my doctor, if he wanted me to have those, he'd order them. Soooo... we sit there from 9:30 to 10:30 an an Aide came out and asked if we needed anything while waiting. I said "Yes, I am POSITIVE that I have labs and x-rays but the woman downstairs said no, can you check on this for me?" She came back in 2 minutes and said "OH YES! You absolutely have those, go to the next building." .......It was freaking 30* out today and pouring rain.
The doctor finally came in to see me around 11:30am. Honestly, I just love this doctor. I had a doctor for 2 years, the one that was there when I did chemotherapy and whatnot but I hated her. I heard her talking shit about me because I wanted a CT scan on my legs (for severe pain) and she made me wait FOUR hours and then I heard her telling her nurse that I was just going to have to wait even longer because there were patients that actually deserved her attention. I made a HUGE deal out of this to the hospital and they sent me gas cards and stuff and then introduced me to Dr. O -- he's monotone and he twitches but he's AWESOME.
Did I mention that he said to NOT listen to my other doctor and that 1 baby or 10 babies in my stomach is nooottt putting me at risk. Did you read that.... I AM NOT GOING TO BE AT RISK. I trust this man with my life and I totally freaking believe what he says. My other doctor, she's a crock of shit. He said if I wanted a second or third opinion on this situation that he wouldn't be offended and he would direct me to where I needed to go. I said no because I DO trust him. :)
They fit me in for a last minute physical therapy session because my left leg is very swollen and fluid filled. I was fitted for a compression stocking, hoping to order that this week.
My best friend, husband and myself had lunch at Rooster's and then we went to pick up my rings. I had to send them out at their 6 month inspection for a loose diamond and I've been without them for TWO weeks... (feels like a lifetime).
And just because I am picture happy....
 |
| A & myself in the first waiting room (of 4) |
 |
| Proof of my torture! :P |
 |
| I felt cute today, minus my breakout. |
 |
| MY BEAUTIFUL RINGS! I missed them soooo much!!! |
Oh, and the Provera is KICKING my ass this time. I've been so freaking exhausted....and sick to my stomach for 3 days now. Uuugghhh.
Monday, November 28, 2011
AHHH.
Well, Aunt Flo and her dirty ass stayed away until the given date so my IVF for early 2012 is an absolute. :)
However, the Provera has me... Well... Stopped up.
It's 3am and I'm supposed to be up in a few hours but I'm lying on the couch in excruciating pain and I can't find any medicinal relief in our cabinets. I'm sure as hell not driving 20 minutes, at 3am, in the pouring rain to go anywhere.
(I know, I'm not doing anything to fix it so I shouldn't bitch, right?)
To top it off, I woke up with a sore throat and a huge breakout on my face.
Wah, wah, wah.
I should never update at 3am..... EVER.
PS. Cancer hospital tomorrow :( I'm going for my 3 month check-up and all of the wonderful proding and poking. Everything better be ok or else!
However, the Provera has me... Well... Stopped up.
It's 3am and I'm supposed to be up in a few hours but I'm lying on the couch in excruciating pain and I can't find any medicinal relief in our cabinets. I'm sure as hell not driving 20 minutes, at 3am, in the pouring rain to go anywhere.
(I know, I'm not doing anything to fix it so I shouldn't bitch, right?)
To top it off, I woke up with a sore throat and a huge breakout on my face.
Wah, wah, wah.
I should never update at 3am..... EVER.
PS. Cancer hospital tomorrow :( I'm going for my 3 month check-up and all of the wonderful proding and poking. Everything better be ok or else!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
My Support System.
I know I posted a few days ago that my husband was going through an "ignore my wife's crazy emotions" phase, but I just want to clarify that he is an AMAZING husband.
Also, my support system through everything, especially cancer, has been incredible.
I am being forced (okay, not FORCED) to go to my 3 month check-up at the cancer hospital in a few weeks and as always, I'm a nervous wreck. You'd think after dealing with this for a few years, I'd be used to it. I know that I'm cancer free (or so my latest scans in May said) but I am so scared that they will find something wrong with my blood counts or another suspicious mole on my body or a swollen lymphnode. Leave it to me to stress like this.
Anyway, when I said that I have an amazing group of people to support me, I'll show you below what I mean :)
My husband is going to get a ribbon tattoo, too, but not a matching one.
My mother wants to get one as well, but she's afraid of needles so I don't think it'll ever happen.
I just wish that I were able to be more VOCAL about infertility.
Because infertility sucks JUST as bad as cancer did.... honestly.
But the reason that I am blogging is because we are trying to keep our infertility woes a secret and then when I'm about 20 weeks pregnant, I'm just going to announce (to friends) "HEY I'M PREGNANT" (and hopefully carrying multiples).
Also, my support system through everything, especially cancer, has been incredible.
I am being forced (okay, not FORCED) to go to my 3 month check-up at the cancer hospital in a few weeks and as always, I'm a nervous wreck. You'd think after dealing with this for a few years, I'd be used to it. I know that I'm cancer free (or so my latest scans in May said) but I am so scared that they will find something wrong with my blood counts or another suspicious mole on my body or a swollen lymphnode. Leave it to me to stress like this.
Anyway, when I said that I have an amazing group of people to support me, I'll show you below what I mean :)
 |
| H (my best friend), made these bracelets and gave one to me right before my wedding. We wear them daily. |
 |
| A lovely girl that I've only known via Facebook (but we know ALL of the same people) donated $25 to the Skin Cancer Foundations partnership program with Cosmo Magazine and she got 3 bracelets in the mail. She wears one daily and sent me one. It's amazing what people will do when you touch each others lives... |
 |
| My best friend got a matching tattoo :) |
 |
| My best friend took this, it's MEEEE getting my Melanoma ribbon tattoo! |
 |
| Sister-in-law replicated my original tattoo design :) |
 |
| Sister-in-law got her nails done for me :) |
My husband is going to get a ribbon tattoo, too, but not a matching one.
My mother wants to get one as well, but she's afraid of needles so I don't think it'll ever happen.
I just wish that I were able to be more VOCAL about infertility.
Because infertility sucks JUST as bad as cancer did.... honestly.
But the reason that I am blogging is because we are trying to keep our infertility woes a secret and then when I'm about 20 weeks pregnant, I'm just going to announce (to friends) "HEY I'M PREGNANT" (and hopefully carrying multiples).
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