Seriously, I've had it. Enough. DONE.
When will something ever go right for me? HUH? CAN ANYONE ANSWER THAT?
Cause I sure can't... but I need something good to happen rightttt about..... NOW.
My period ended on Sunday and I was so freaking excited. A and I haven't DTD in weeks because I was way too concerned to start AF before November 28. Well, things happened and we did last night and oh, surprise, I woke up this morning bleeding.
Not just a spot here and there... enough for a freaking tampon.
My IVF nurse said that I'd probably spot the entire month after taking Provera and then jumping in BCPs... okay, so.... what about a lot of bleeding?
Is down there just sensitive from all the medicines I've ingested and lack of sex? Was this just a fluke? Is it going to push my IVF back even further? Am I going to have the will to go on?
Because right now, I'm bawling at work and ready to just say fuck it all. Get rid of everything, the injections, the needles, the calendar and get our deposit back. We could pay off our debt and work on buying a house in the future instead of wondering how much money we're going on invest in my shitty ass body -- with chances of NOT having a freaking kid in the end.
If this bitch nurse doesn't call me back before their 2pm "new call" deadline, I will flip out on them.
So much for my SHG and sounding tomorrow. Not that I really wanted either but holy shit, if it means a step in the RIGHT direction, I'll take the vaginal/uterine torture.
Someone say something positive cause I'm about to explode.
let it out!! finally..someone who is a as blunt as me!!! SHit!!! I am so sorry..this is a sucky day!! It will get better though... but really it is healthy to be pissed..to cry...to stamp your feet. Before IVF worked for me..I would cry..all day! Listen to depressing music( ben harper) seriously..listen to ben harper...waiting on an angel..this helped me so much. But then I listened to positive music too...just plain crying helps you heal. May not change the situation that day or week..or month..but helps you release all the frustration. Hugs:)
ReplyDeleteBelieve me it will be ok!! I know this whole process can be shitty!! I have been in your exact place pissed off at the world but mostly my body! I know how it feels to have nothing go right. I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was getting dimmer. We had to climb many hurtles to get to actually go through with our IVF. We had it stopped once and then it almost got tossed out at the end of our cycle. It does get better I promise. But in the mean time it is OK to scream and cry!!
ReplyDeleteAll of this hard work will be that much more amazing when it does happen!! Thinking of you
Ok, first off, find a place for yourself to just breathe. Screw any work you need to do; it will be there for you later. Go take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteSecond, what you're feeling is normal. If any part of this process was completely straightforward and easy, then ever human being out there would be doing this. I can't tell you the number of times I broke down while on BCPs based on the fact that they were f&*king up my body. And then there's the waiting, which is enough to drive any sane person to crazy land.
I'm thinking of you today and hoping for good news very soon. In the meantime, I'm sending love and light your way.
I'm so sorry! Everything you are feeling hundreds of others feel too. It's ok to let it out! Vent to us! That's what we are here for! I hope you get some good news soon and things turn around! I will be thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are dealing with this. Keep letting it out. When I was stuck on hold the only thing that helped was venting. I know how it is to be close and then something puts it all on hold. We were on hold for 4 months after being days away from starting clomid for and IUI. Hoping and praying the bleeding stops and you can reschedule the appts soon. Hugz!
ReplyDelete