My Experience with IVF.

I will say this now... if I use up all of my frozen embryos and I am not pregnant, then it was just not meant to be.


I will never, in my life, EVER, EVEEEEEEEEERRR do another IVF again.... ever.


The morning of my egg retrieval, I took my nerve pill and went in and begun my wait. Around 11am, they got us into a temporary room, gave me a narcotic injection and then had me relax for about 45 minutes. I was nervous, excited, anxious -- a million different emotions balled into one.

I expected a stark white hospital room and I was taken into a dark, warm room that we've become familiar with from the follicle checks. Nothing was different about this experience and that threw me off. My doctor and nurse weren't in sterile attire, I was clothed (other than being bottom half naked, obviously) and little things here and there.

I climbed up on the table, took my pants off, sprawled out and the process started. Uh, hello to the second most painful thing I've ever been through. I felt every....single....egg....being removed. EVERY FUCKING ONE! Do you understand how bad that hurts? That is reason number #29083902 I don't think I'd ever do an IVF ever again.

26 incredible little future babies were retrieved.
25 fertilized normally.
24 made it to a day 3 check-up -- almost all of them were already at 10 cells!
I didn't hear anything on day 4.... which is also the day that I was overcome with OHSS or Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome.

I called my doctor on Monday because I was having a hard time breathing, I couldn't move without having the urge to vomit and I hadn't taken in ANY food or liquid in 3 days.

I was fucking miserable.

I made A take a personal day and spend the day babying me on Monday... and on Tuesday, I woke up and I couldn't take it anymore. We called my RE and they seemed to think I was just having a rough time dealing with the bloating and if I went to the hospital, I'd just need an IV with a bag of fluid and I would go. Eh, I'll stay home and work on this on my own -- HA. ....HAHAH.

We found ourselves driving to the emergency room at 1:30pm. They couldn't get my blood pressure or my pulse because everything was so screwy so they had me in a room within 10 minutes. You have to understand, in my town, this hospital will let you sit in the waiting room for hours if you're not bleeding and/or obviously dying. The fact that they actually took me seriously was refreshing in a way.

I had a CT scan and x-rays. Both of those confirmed that I was so full of fluid that my lungs (and every other organ) was being smashed. The emergency room doctor actually came in at one point, has never had an OHSS case and told me that he thinks my stomach might be full of blood. OF BLOOD?! And that my cancer might be back and in my stomach area. CANCER IS BACK?! WHAT?!

I was just trying to have a baby and I caused myself stomach cancer?


So basically, I was hysterical. Thank GOD,  we kept throwing the term "OHSS" out at this idiot and he called a local OBGYN who was a resident with my RE. 


Yes. That local doctor saved me a life flight to a major hospital and a lot of other serious testing.
I seriously thought my life was more than just put on hold for a minute, I thought I was dying.

Alright, so I'm dying, what do I do?
I text my brother and prepare to break the news to him and a slew of nurses and other people come in and say I'm being admitted for a few days and that was that.

They pumped me full of fluids. I gained 15lbs in 2 days. TWO DAMN DAYS. I was on some incredible pain medicine but I didn't get much sleep. A stayed with me in the hospital for a few days, sleeping in a shitty somewhat reclining chair and didn't complain about it for a second.

Looking over at him and seeing him sleeping in that chair made one of the darkest days of my life seem oddly... perfect. I might not be pregnant this month, but I will be eventually... but I have a husband here, now, who loves me, supports me and does so much for me. My apartment feels lonely without his presence. He was by my side for 5 days in a row... I actually cried a little thinking of him leaving today.



Moving on... Only 8 of our babies made it to freeze. Only 8. What the fuck happened to the other 16 that were thriving so perfectly? So advanced and ready for a uterus? They didn't tell me...and frankly, I don't know if it would help change anything either way.

We are preparing for a FET... I guess that shit takes just as long as an IVF to prepare for so, here goes nothing, I guess.

Oh, and some gracious motherfucker gave me a cold. I don't mean sniffles and snot, I mean, can't breath, no snot no matter how hard I blow, sore throat, headache, wheezing, sore body kind of cold. As if I didn't go through enough with a terrible egg retrieval, OHSS, thinking I was dying, I definitely wanted a cold on top of it all! Mmmmhmmm.

I'm sorry if this post has a lot of cussing. Frankly, I couldn't contain it. I haven't been upset or angry about ANY of this since it's all started. I haven't had the damn energy. But, I logged on to Pinterest, saw my "For When We Have BBBAABBIIIESS!!!!" section and lost it. No shit, I started to cry so hard that I almost threw up.

So here I am, watching the minutes pass by and praying that 1am gets here quickly so I can squeeze the shit out of my husband and cry on his boney shoulder.