Silly Estrogen.

Well, ladies, my estrogen dropped from 11,000 something down to 7,500!

They let me trigger last night, I started minocycline this morning, oh and my egg retrieval is tomorrow morning!

My doctor is super worried that I'll develop OHSS so I'm under close watch, they wanted me to stay close to Columbus but that is 2 hours away so I'll go home and if something happens, just head back to their hospital, if needed.

What a rollercoaster this entire week has been... up & down, cancelled & not cancelled, too high & perfect level... AHHH. I lost it in the IVF nurses office yesterday morning and she looked at me like I was insane. She made me feel stupid. Bitch, I've had cancer and now my ovaries/uterus hate me... this is TOO much for a 24 year old woman to deal with all within 3 damn years.

OH, remind me to tell you about something nice I did just to have it blow up in my face**

Anyway, for those curious, my ER is at 11:30am. I can't wait to wear the socks that Rebecca sent me tomorrow! I have to find it in me to calm myself down because I will be awake through this whole thing -- which is scary! I looked up some videos on ERs last night and it looks all crazy & high tech.


2012 is going to be my year... wanna know how I know? Because, TWO of my favorite bands are getting back together and releasing new cds! HELL YES. You can find out who they are HERE & HERE!   AHhhhHHHhHHHH!!!! :)



**Alright so for my story. I am a cancer survivor, as you all know... and there is a blog from another Melanoma survivor that I was fond of. She writes about her experiences and that is something that I wish that I would've done when I was sick. However, she hasn't gone through nearly as much as I did and has more energy then I EVER had. When I was sick, I just wanted my privacy and the least amount of stress as I could possibly have.

So what's the point of my rambling?


I messaged this girl on Facebook (she linked herself on her blog) and I thanked her for writing that blog and explained that I had Melanoma, too! She wrote me back and she goes "What do you mean you HAD Melanoma?" Uh, hello, I'm in remission... as in, I don't have cancer anymore. What the hell else would I mean? I went to her blog (which I am not going to post because I'm not THAT much of a bitch) and she had the nerve to write about the fucking message I sent her! That doesn't mean I won't copy and paste the crazy shit she said.

"Ironically, I have received a few emails recently from fellow melanoma warriors who state that they also "had" melanoma. This makes me nervous. Does their use of the past tense mean they believe they are in the clear? Do they follow up with their oncologists? Do they monitor their blood work? Or will they be the folks who find out about their reoccurance too late?"


Alright, let me vent here. She is judging me. Some girl is judging me for making a statement. So here goes: If the girl would've asked me she would know that I am 100% still cancer free. I see my oncologist every 3 damn months. I have more bloodwork done then she could ever imagine. And reoccurance, I keep an eye on my skin now. Can anyone say Debbie Downer?


IT JUST GETS BETTER THOUGH!

She then proceeded to post about how she asked other Melanoma survivors if they say they HAD or HAVE cancer... and there were 3 people she quoted saying that they will ALWAYS have cancer. Excuse me? If there is no evidence of disease, you do not have cancer! You have everything that goes along with having HAD cancer... exhaustion, worry, scares, and even the frantic calls to the cancer doctor begging for a CT scan because you want to be sure that you're still 100% cancer free. I know that at ANY of these scans, I could hear the words that my cancer is back... but according to the moles that I've had removed (FROM THAT AREA), my bloodwork, my x-rays, and the scans -- I . AM. CANCER. FREE.


I seriously think that this girl (and the ones that she quoted) are telling people that they still have cancer for the attention. I don't want the attention anymore! I didn't want it in the first place. They need to let it go -- they're cancer free, embrace that shit! Have a few drinks. ENJOY YOUR LIFE.


Okay, whew. Sorry for the rant, that really, rEEAAaalLLLYllLLYllylYYY stepped on my toes -- especially when I'm hopped up on hormones and anxiety.


I'll update tomorrow or Saturday with how the ER went and with the fertilization report. Thank you so much for the support on my last post. I genuinely believe the love that you ladies sent my way was my savior -- in sanity and in luck.